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Ronald Saunders/Flickr (CC-BY-SA)
If you’re stranded on a desert island with a rapidly dying cell phone, probably the last thing you’re going to worry about is sending a tweet. Obviously, with gorgeous views like that, it’s better to go with Instagram.
Still, Twitter wanted to know what you would tweet if you decided to use your final 5% on its platform.
You’re stranded on a desert island. Your phone has charge for just one final Tweet. Go!
— Twitter (@Twitter) October 3, 2018
And boy did people have thoughts.
Some of them chose not to really get into the spirit of things.
“help i’m stranded on a desert island” and tag my location https://t.co/aW0OTBBeVR
— Brandon Wall (@Walldo) October 4, 2018
I can't tweet. There's no internet there. https://t.co/aC3EmYQRw9
— .` MC ⬛️ 陰陽 (@RazeZen) October 4, 2018
Although others had more interesting ways to get rescued.
"Beyoncé is bad and not good." And then I'd turn my location on because that would ensure an entire army of people come find me at which point I can explain the reasoning for my tweet and that actually I think Beyoncé is good then we will do the single ladies dance then go home. https://t.co/a9GiPQ81Vy
— Kyle Madson (@KyleAMadson) October 3, 2018
On the way! 🛳😂 -Lorenzo
— Royal Caribbean (@RoyalCaribbean) October 3, 2018
Dear @UberEats could you please deliver me a kebab and any chance your driver could drive me home?
— Rob Shehadie (@robshehadie) October 3, 2018
A few people decided to just treat it like a normal day on Twitter.
*plugs soundcloud link*
— ★彡 (@sorrowfuIs) October 4, 2018
Subscribe to my YouTube channel
— TheRIPISHERE [Spam And The Gang member] (@TheRIPISHERE) October 4, 2018
I like the playstation. Do you like the playstation? https://t.co/pyefHPL4BP
— Batchy (@BatchyHD) October 4, 2018
Others took the opportunity to get some stuff off their chest.
Ohio stinks https://t.co/iZqDT41bBB
— Detroit Free Press (@freep) October 3, 2018
Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza
— MØH (@murbahmade) October 4, 2018
pluto is a planet https://t.co/25dp20KsEz
— Pluto (@PlutoRL) October 4, 2018
Nicolas Cage was robbed of another Oscar award when he wasn’t nominated for Best Actor in the movie Face/Off. There are plenty of reasons to show why this one was one of the most impressive acting performances of all-time & I’d like to list why this is the case in a thread (1/94) https://t.co/s0siYFr3lj
— Zach Harper (@talkhoops) October 3, 2018
I have not seen the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. Don't @ me. https://t.co/q1GqxeAEWd
— Carla Pruitt (@crobscarla) October 4, 2018
"Real Emo" only consists of the dc Emotional Hardcore scene and the late 90's Screamo scene. What is known by "Midwest Emo" is nothing but Alternative Rock with questionable real emo influence. When people try to argue that bands like My Chemical Romance are not real emo, while s https://t.co/zmRxXjzsmF
— zaBOO!mafoo (@BabiesWithGuns) October 3, 2018
— Blank_Space (@BookLov63518280) October 3, 2018
Tell my wife and kids I love Patrick Mahomes https://t.co/rI2EjRWMVC
— Jamie Jackson(4-0) (@jjackson_chiefs) October 3, 2018
Boneless buffalo wings are just chicken nuggets. https://t.co/YCsJweh3P3
— Jeremy Igo (@CarolinaHuddle) October 3, 2018
Naturally, there was a lot of complaining about Twitter, including a lot of calls to get Nazis off the platform.
Can we please get an edit button https://t.co/vNNunUW3lr
— #ClassicJeff (@_ClassicJeff) October 3, 2018
Remove the nazis from your platform https://t.co/iPovthp2c4
— Stefanie Simpson, smol dragon (@Simpson_Romance) October 4, 2018
Why did you ban me https://t.co/M7p3uggcCo
— Blame Neil (@stephenleedeka1) October 3, 2018
It's a shame how fast Twitter is banning marginalized people especially women who are targeted by racism on this very platform. https://t.co/gwrGLGHE7f
— hendrik kraft (@hendrikkraft) October 3, 2018
There were also a lot of people who wanted to spend their last moment online talking about sports.
Bert Emanuel caught it! pic.twitter.com/wu6OmOh1jc
— JTHV (@JTHV_) October 4, 2018
— Nick (@Nickolah84) October 3, 2018
"Aga was 3-0 up in the third set of a Wimbeldon SF, with a player who she is 7-0 against waiting in the final"https://t.co/woShtnKXgf
— ✨✨✨ (@GoffWanska) October 3, 2018
When you find somebody better than Eli feel free to put them in…… until then, SHUTUP https://t.co/hqnnQjlPnR
— LPG – NYG (@LicensePlateGuy) October 3, 2018
The Yankees win the 2018 World Series. (Even if it doesn't happen, I want that to be my last tweet) https://t.co/YW0UfvIBzY
— Riders and Hawks🇵🇭 (@Yankees4lifeee) October 3, 2018
The warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the nba finals
— The Thunder Geeks (@thethundergeeks) October 3, 2018
And, obviously, there was no way brand Twitter was not going to jump on board.
— Walmart (@Walmart) October 3, 2018
*phone dies while we decide who gets the final roast*
Press 'F' to pay respects https://t.co/pj9PgXOchw
— Wendy's (@Wendys) October 3, 2018
Send cookies. https://t.co/7vk0yBDwM0
— Cookie Monster (@MeCookieMonster) October 4, 2018
Your chicken nugget jokes still aren't funny. https://t.co/n5XfFO2bB4
— Denver Nuggets (@nuggets) October 3, 2018
When you'd rather help the hardest working boyband in show business than save yourself… dedication
— Twitter (@Twitter) October 3, 2018
S.O.S….."stay outta sight"….I'm enjoying the peace and quiet….
— Geo (@GDogOutdoors) October 4, 2018
A few people chose to look on the bright side.
I smash my phone and yell "Freeeedom!"
— Luke 006 (@Cobras1xx) October 4, 2018
"Found a way to escape my student loans, DM me for info"
— Leave Grinding Alone (@SiimplyGrinding) October 4, 2018
While other users felt it was best to go out messing with people.
Oh that's easy.. I have left 1 million dollars in a locked safe deposit box and the location of key and address is in th………. pic.twitter.com/RYiPIAWUkv
— Darryl H. Robinson🇺🇸 (@mrfirerob4) October 4, 2018
— Dallas Fuel (@DallasFuel) October 3, 2018
There was also a fairly large number of people who decided that being stranded on a desert island afforded them the perfect opportunity to be racist, but we’ll spare you those tweets. Besides, a quick look through their feeds revealed that they also had no problem being racist at home with a full battery charge.
We’ll leave you instead with someone who tweeted the meme that will never die. It’s a safe bet that, no matter how long you’re stranded on that island, when you get back, the Distracted Boyfriend will be here waiting for you.
— Definitely Not Matt (@NotMattIPromise) October 4, 2018
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.