Portland bro wants you to buy his tablet for $1 on Craigslist

"The perfect combination of hardware, that practically free Chinese labor, rich network services, and seamless usability."

 

Mike Fenn

Internet Culture

Published Dec 30, 2014   Updated May 29, 2021, 9:13 pm CDT

One Craigslist user in Portland, Ore. is selling his Sony tablet for the low, low price of $1—but that isn’t the best part about his ad. Rather, the true beauty of this craigslist treasure lies in his sarcastic, angry, and of course hilarious description of the product.

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Take, for example, his own personal listing of the device’s features:

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Android Ice Cream Sandwich OS (v4.0.3)
NVIDIA Tegra2 Processor; 9.4-inch Display
Front and Rear Camera. Front 0.3 Megapixel. Rear 5.0 Megapixel
Bluetooth Integrated StereoFull-size SD Card slot – expandable to the limits of Moore’s law
Power button
Physical existence 
Cradle docking thing
Power cord
Screen Protector
Case/cover doodle 

If that isn’t an introduction, I don’t know what is. Oh, wait. This is:

Delivering the perfect combination of hardware, that practically free Chinese labor, rich network services, and seamless usability, the Sony Tablet S offers a high-quality, heart attack-worthy entertainment experience for your on-the-go metrosexual lifestyle. It’s all the mediocre things you know from Sony–now in a tablet. Access PlayStation games, eBooks, music and new release movies that offend dictators with gout from Music Unlimited and Video Unlimited. 

Are you looking for specific uses? The poster has you covered.

You can do so many mind-blowing things with apps on this tablet, like editing HD videos of you and your friends parkouring all over downtown Portland, then upload it to YouTube and show your grandparents at the retirement home and turn to them like Russel Crowe as Maximus the Roman gladiator and scream “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED????”

Throw it like a frisbee and it doubles as a weapon.
Trade stocks and manipulate the economy.
Download the Craigslist app and force the device to post its own for sale ad, you sadistic bastard.
Mount it on your fridge.
Mount it in your fridge.
Watch Netflix documentaries about people who actually make good use of their lives.
Entertain and distract children from reality.
Read the latest news articles about the horrors of the world, then analyze and dwell over your own insignificance.
Instagram. 

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Additionally, if a dollar is simply too much money for you to cough up, the mystery poster will also accept trades. According to the ad, he will happily receive anything from an iPad Air to vintage Persian rugs to even “friends” in order to rid himself of this tablet.

So, if you’re in the Portland area and are looking to entertain your grandparents with a device that physically exists, gather together your least-liked friends and hit “reply.”

Photo via vernieman/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: Dec 30, 2014, 5:47 pm CST