Woman asks for help ending a feud between her boyfriend and a group of birds

It’s previously been established that the men featured in Reddit’s relationship advice sub are the worst, but the man featured in a now-deleted post has managed to take being awful in a truly innovative direction.

“My (25m) bf had angered crows and magpies and now they’re defecating on my car,” reads the title of a post by former user TheEarthquakeLady.

The body of the post, archived by the Twitter account @redditships, tells the story of how the user’s boyfriend managed to upset the birds:

Long story short, my boyfriend managed to anger the local bird population by throwing stuff at them and killing two of their kind. This has caused a lot of tension between me and my boyfriend as they started to swarm and attack us, shit on our car, and be extremely loud in the morning.

For some strange and unspecified reason, the user’s boyfriend likes to throw things at birds, and apparently with such force and accuracy that he’s managed to kill two of them. Unfortunately for him, he’s picked the wrong species to harass as corvids, a family that includes both magpies and crows, are renowned not just for being intelligent but also remarkably vengeful. Crows can not only recognize human faces but are able to identify dangerous or enemy humans to other crows even in that person’s absence, and will do so to all other crows within a large geographical radius. Magpies, meanwhile, are well-known for the fearless rage and tendency to attack human beings who are just going about minding their own business, and they will hold grudges for generations.

People were overwhelmingly focused on how this wasn’t a post asking for advice on breaking up with the man.

Some of the suggestions went a bit far.

And others were less than helpful.

One helpful redditor even went ahead and fixed her post for her, with the title “My (25m) bf is a psychopath who kills crows and magpies and now they’re defecating on my car.”

In all seriousness, hurting animals is a big red flag for future domestic violence as well as other violent crimes. Hopefully, OP will leave him and find a safer situation.

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Siobhan Ball

Siobhan Ball

Siobhan Ball is a historian, archivist, and journalist. She also writes for Autostraddle and bi.org