Everyone has that one friend who will believe just about anything people tell him. His friends always use that to their advantage and amusement by giving him nonsensical answers to his most innocent of questions. Well, a few days ago, that guy asked a question on Reddit.
Redditor iamdavid2 ventured into the Los Angeles subreddit and asked, “What is the city of LA like? Are the people friendly, Is it easy to get an entry level job and how accurate is the portrayal in movies?” Apparently, he expected a straight answer. A straight answer is not what he got.
Instead, he got answers like this:
- I love it here, last night I was out for a walk when this woman came up to me and needed to have sex with me, she kept asking for a baby. Then the police showed up and totally cock blocked me because they claimed she was an alien. She wasn’t even Hispanic looking.
- Crime is pretty bad, tbh. I live in a nice townhouse and the other night, I got jumped by 2 thugs. They broke in and were waiting, I didn’t have to go to the hospital or anything but one of them peed on my rug because I guess I didn’t have anything worthwhile to steal. I’m wondering if it was mistaken identity, but either way, I’m bummed about my rug. My car was also stolen once, they stole a briefcase full of papers but left the tape deck. Strange things happen out here, man.
- I remember a few years ago, the case of Simon Phoenix. This psychopath kidnapped a bus load of tourists, Murdered them all and somehow convinced a jury a police officer was to blame. They even made a movie about it, though they took a few liberties with the story. On a side note, LA is a pretty progressive area. I would recommend at least learning how to use the three Sea Shells before you come.
- It’s pretty rough. Just to give you an idea, I was having breakfast at a diner this morning and this couple decided to rob the place. They went around and took everybody’s cell phone and wallet (except for one guy’s) and put them into a bag and left. And this was after I saw a car driving down the street with blood all over the back windows.
The best part, though, might have been iamdavid2’s reaction to those answers. Respectively, they went like this:
- “I … just. Okay. Thanks for commenting”
- “I mean you hear of so many people going there to work where I’m from (Ireland) I just can’t believe crime is such an issue. Is there just a huge divide in rich and poor?”
- “Three sea shells?”
- “Please tell me you’re fucking with me.”
If you haven’t already figured it out, here’s the punch line: These situations are movie plots from, respectively, Species, The Big Lebowski, Demolition Man, and Pulp Fiction.
The game continued with these gems:
- Weird shit happens all the time here. A few years back this kid on my street accidentally dug up this frozen caveman while he was digging a pool in his backyard. The really crazy part was that he manged to thaw the caveman out, brought him to his high school, and the caveman became like the most popular guy in school.
- It has its good and bad not gonna lie. One time I was on the Red Line and all of a sudden it came to a screeching halt in the middle of the tunnel. They said there was lava up ahead and the city just got hit by a volcano. We had to be evacuated and run for our dear lives. It was the absolute worst.
(That’s Encino Man and Volcano, by the way.)
But the redditor finally realized the game when somebody tried to pass off a Michael Jackson video as his answer. At that point, iamdavid2 recognized the entire thread for it was—one big leg-pull.
Ah, well, it was fun while it lasted. I’m sure the redditor will have a much easier time when he actually gets to L.A.
Kind of like that FBI agent (I think he was from Utah or something) who had to go undercover to infiltrate a gang of bank robbers while diving out of planes without parachutes and nearly taking a beating on the beach from the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Either way, it worked out well for that guy, because, well, he learned how to surf.