Photos via cjorgensen79/Twitter (Fair Use)
We hope nobody actually eats this.
Every American state has its culinary abominations. In Hawaii, fried SPAM is considered a delicacy. In Pennsylvania, scrapple is served at breakfast and people expect you to eat it.
Weird stuff indeed. And while you may think the food staple of Iowa is somehow corn-related, according to Iowa State University student Chris Jorgensen, it’s something much more abhorrent.
It’s a toaster pastry and American cheese sandwich.
You ain’t from Iowa if you never had one of these 😤 pic.twitter.com/KSHyLD0mhv
— Chris Jorgensen (@cjorgensen79) November 10, 2017
As Jorgensen noted, it doesn’t even involve real Pop-Tarts.
— Chris Jorgensen (@cjorgensen79) November 14, 2017
College students are known to eat the worst things in the face of poor dining hall options and abject hangriness, but that? THAT?
— Dani Gehr (@GehrDani) November 10, 2017
Did you actually eat that processed mess
— Alex Connor (@thealexconnor) November 10, 2017
You could save some time and just throw it in the toilet.
— BuckDigger (@BuckDigger1) November 14, 2017
Mercifully, many Iowans said it wasn’t something they actually eat.
This mans does not speak for us
— Daniel Shaw (@dshaw1776) November 13, 2017
Iowa does not claim you..
— peden (@Parker_Eden) November 12, 2017
It was enough to attract the attention of the Iowa State campus police, who publicly called for Jorgensen’s arrest.
You’re under arrest https://t.co/ixOFBuN2pQ
— IowaStateU Police (@ISUPD) November 13, 2017
As horrific as the concoction looks, it’s actually not that out of the realm of normalcy. If you’ve never had a slice of sharp cheddar cheese melted on top of a slice of apple pie, you are missing what might be the height of perfectly melded flavors: sweet, salty, savory, sugary—it’s all there in every bite. Jorgensen’s bastardization didn’t come quite as close. But it’s still good.
In the end, though, Jorgensen admitted it was mostly just a prank.
“I thought: ‘What could be the grossest thing I could put between two Pop-Tarts?'” Jorgensen told the Des Moines Register. “So I went to the fridge and got a cheese slice.”
Still, he gave it a 7 out of 10.
The one bite that I did take was a solid 7/10. Not much cheese in the bite.
— Chris Jorgensen (@cjorgensen79) November 12, 2017
Pure, uncut internet. Straight to your inbox.