Small-town Facebook thread about plastic flamingo theft is pure poetry

A town torn apart by poultry politics.

Mar 1, 2020, 4:27 am*

Internet Culture

Gabe Bergado 

Gabe Bergado

In a case that is part mystery, mostly bizarre, and completely hilarious, one town is being torn apart by teens stealing plastic flamingos placed on lawns by moms to protest a local ordinance on keeping chickens. To get back at the mischievous youth, it seems, these same matriarchs are booby-trapping the fake birds with things like poison ivy and exploding dye packets.

Twitter user @vrunt has kept us updated with screengrabs from the amazing Facebook thread in which the mothers were discussing their handiwork and bickering with other members of the community.

“Cellfies” needs to be a thing ASAP. But that’s only possible if and when the delinquents figure out how to sneak smartphones into jail with them—a mugshot doesn’t count, seeing as it’s taken by some police officer. 

Also, whoever deployed the dye packets is a genius; that they dropped “eggspecting” in relation to the chicken ordinance just confirms it.

And wait, there’s more! The plot thickens like cooled-down oatmeal:

We haven’t learned the name of the suburb where all this is unfolding, but it’s got to be one without a mall, because shenanigans this absurd would most definitely not occur in a place that had an arcade and movie theaters to host the youth during evenings.

Then it turned out that the adults were in fact using psychological methods to get to the perpetrators:

And the youngsters are now getting backed up. How dare these women screw up the most important day of anybody’s life, aka high school graduation:

Shoutout to Colleen for being super concerned about the animals’ well-being. But just as the shitshow really got going, the Facebook thread’s administrators pulled the plug and deleted everything.

But hey, it was fun while it lasted.

Photo via Flickr/breatheindigital (CC BY SA 2.0)

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*First Published: May 4, 2015, 6:04 pm