- Dad claims YouTube refuses to remove video of daughter’s murder Thursday 6:36 PM
- Video of Kanye leaving Kim in elevator to carry all their bags has people cackling Thursday 6:19 PM
- Orlando Bloom’s tattoo misspelled son’s name because of Pinterest Thursday 5:35 PM
- The Ahi Challenge is the latest dance taking over TikTok Thursday 4:40 PM
- Show criticized for putting rape victim in blackface to protect her identity Thursday 3:42 PM
- Woman becomes viral sensation after iconic ‘Shallow’ subway video Thursday 2:48 PM
- Prettyboyfredo tried to gift a bullied teen some $30,000 Nikes at school—he got detained Thursday 2:13 PM
- ‘Vanderpump Rules’ recap: Wedding bells and blows Thursday 1:50 PM
- A 16-year-old made a ‘meme guide’ to help her dad understand online trends Thursday 1:46 PM
- UCLA drops plans to use facial recognition after student pushback Thursday 1:07 PM
- ‘Star Trek: Picard’ recap, episode 5: ‘Stardust City Rag’ Thursday 12:56 PM
- Roger Stone sentenced to 40 months in prison Thursday 12:45 PM
- New The 1975 music video is full of memes you’ll love Thursday 12:28 PM
- Black model speaks out after fashion show featured racist accessories Thursday 12:14 PM
- CBS to launch ‘House of Brands’ to bulk up streaming Thursday 11:57 AM
Man offers to buy Malia Obama’s hand in marriage for 70 sheep, 50 cows, and 30 goats
Felix Kiprono is a true romantic.
Kenyan lawyer Felix Kiprono won’t settle for anyone besides his dream girl—who happens to be Malia Obama—and says he’s willing to pay a king’s ransom in livestock to get her.
“I got interested in [Malia] in 2008,” when she was just 10 years old, Kiprono said. “As a matter of fact, I haven’t dated anyone since and promise to be faithful to her. I have shared this with my family, and they are willing to help me raise the bride price.”
What kind of sum are we talking about? Kiprono’s math comes out to an offer of 70 sheep, 50 cows, and 30 precious goats—which would go a long way toward turning the White House into the organic farming commune that Michelle Obama has envisioned ever since moving in.
Should he persuade Obama to bring his eldest daughter along on the Kenya trip, Kiprono said, his marriage proposal would be a traditional one, without champagne. “Instead,” he explained, “I will surprise her with mursik, the traditional Kalenjin sour milk. As an indication that she is my queen, I will tie sinendet, which is a sacred plant, around her head.
“I will propose to her on a popular hill in Bureti near my father’s land where leaders and warriors are usually crowned,” Kiprono added. “The place is called Kapkatet, which means ‘victory.’” He added, “ours will be a simple life. I will teach Malia how to milk a cow, cook ugali and prepare mursik like any other Kalenjin woman.”
Don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m not crazy about the idea of a father-in-law with access to nuclear weapons.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'