Halloween costumes

Photos via Rubie's / Amazon Coxeer / Amazon | Fun World / Amazon

No ideas? We’ve got you covered.

Well, people, here we are once again: Just a few more days till Halloween, and you haven’t even begun to plan a costume. 

Instead of making your annual excuses at the party as you stress-eat an entire bowl of stale Tootsie Rolls, consider showing up in one of these easily assembled guises, any of which are sure to scare the pants off your friends:

  • Hang a dry erase board around your neck. Write on it the total you owe in student loans. Develop a formula to calculate the interest and periodically increase the total throughout the evening.

  • Wear an iPad that displays video of yourself getting left-swiped on Tinder, over and over and over again.

  • On a poster board, write everything you thought you would have accomplished by this age, but haven’t. Carry it with you all night.

  • Keep your phone to your ear. When anyone asks what you’re supposed to be, say you’re on hold waiting for biopsy results.

  • Gray your temples. Walk around with a laptop with Excel open, trying to make a VLOOKUP formula work while simultaneously Googling chicken recipes for dinner. Boom: You’re yourself in 10 years.

  • Wear the same clothes you wear every day, but try to maintain an vaguely unsettled facial expression—someone you love has cancer and there’s nothing you can do.

  • Wear all beige and say you’re gluten.

  • Tell everyone you just joined an improv troupe and they’re invited to your first show.

  • Keep pulling an unwrapped pregnancy test out of your pocket. Ask everyone if they see two lines or what.

  • Go as a six-hour-old Instagram photo with zero likes.

  • Drag around a trash can with your resume in it.

  • Duct tape to your chest the number of hours you spend on Facebook each day.

  • Instead of dressing up and going to a party, sit at home, alone with your thoughts.

Don’t forget to coordinate with other guests so that nobody doubles up! And, as always, have a great time pretending this holiday isn’t for children.

Photo via Steven Leonti/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

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