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Lurking on the fringes of the slow-motion nightmare that is 2016 are those creepy clowns. You know, the kind that never had a circus act and just stand around in mostly-deserted locales late at night to scare the everliving shit out of anyone unfortunate enough to run across them? The clowns.
Well, a southern gentleman and YouTube fixture known as Catfish Cooley has emerged the first line of defense against these ball-nosed bozos. Christening himself the “Redneck Ninja” in his most recent video, Cooley demonstrates the cat-like agility and knife-throwing skills that are sure to send any jumpsuited juggler scurrying back to his comically tiny car.
Thank you, Redneck Ninja. I’m going to sleep a lot easier tonight.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'