Oh god, that ESPN Body Issue.
Sitting down with a stack of reheated Domino’s pizza slices and nice cold Bud Light Straw-Ber-Rita, I was about to watch Game 7 of the NBA Finals. Up until Sunday, I was largely tuned out to what was happening in the world of sportsball. But with all the drama from Game 6, I decided it was time to see what was going down. And as a chubby 6th grader, I played center for a community basketball team, so I was well-prepared for this historic occasion—or so I thought.
Because even before the tip-off, my jaw dropped and a cheesy barbecue chicken morsel almost fell from my mouth when I spotted a bearded Adonis in one of those Cleveland hype videos. There was this hot blocking shots, adorned in wine and gold. His name: Kevin Love.
Now, I’d probably heard the name Kevin Love before. Maybe something in relation to LeBron James? They are teammates, after all. Or maybe I just thought I had because of Courtney Love or something. Either way, he’s hot. Was I the last person to find this out? Why did none of my “friends” tell me he was hot? I could’ve been watching the Cavs all season long.
Immediately I began my research on this Kevin Love.
This is what my internal monologue probably sounded like:
Oh my god he’s 6′ 10″, that’s so hot. So people like don’t like him? Or they do like him? Something about how he plays defense. Whatever, his salary is apparently $21.17 million. Holy shit, his salary is $21.17 million. Oh, look, he’s from California! Samesies. OK, let’s see what other pics he’s in.
His Instagram did not disappoint. Take a gander at this handsome man.
Damn, the guy can even pull off a mustache.
Seriously, why did nobody tell me Kevin Love was hot? Here is this basketball god who could melt anyone with a smile, and we want to talk about his defensive game? That seems to really be missing the point. He’s a tall glass of water. Like, a really, really tall glass of water. Probably in one of those Starbucks 31-oz. Trenta cups.
But as I came across more and more hot pics of Kevin Love, I also became wary, since he’s always seen with facial hair. What was hiding under that beard? No worries, we’re in the clear. Maybe not as hot, but still hot:
Why do we create so many basketball memes when we can just talk about how hot Kevin Love is? He could foul me any day *insert smirky emoji here* as long as he didn’t cause any permanent damage or anything with his giant stature.
And, oh my god—the dude was in ESPN‘s 2015 Body Issue? Was I seriously the last one to find out about this fine speciman? Really, shame on everyone for the lack of a PSA about how hot Kevin Love is.
And the Cavs won Sunday night. Woohoo! That’s nice. Good for Kevin. And the rest of his team, too. Don’t even know how Kevin did in the game. But I do know he celebrated like a true champ: with a high-pressure shower of nice cold beer. You deserve it Kevin.
Conclusion: Kevin Love is hot.
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