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Are you a creepy pedophile who has trouble waking up in the morning?Tired of your old routine of coffee and Sailor Moon reruns? Well, now there’s a new service that’s sure to get your blood pumping before you head out for a busy day of sitting too close to strangers on the bus.
It’s called JKmorning, and it offers wake-up calls from Japanese high school girls.
And don’t worry fellas, the JK doesn’t stand for “just kidding.” It stands for joshi kosei, which means “high school girl.” JKmorning isn’t some sketchy company that’s going to rip you off by having a grown woman call your phone. That would be gross! All callers are verified using their school ID.
Neat, right? Also, all the money goes through PayPal, so you don’t need to worry about the service showing up on your credit card statement, although why would you? It’s not like you’re doing anything wrong!
The service isn’t up and running just yet, but if you want to know when it’s ready, you just have to type your email into this box:
Seriously, what could go wrong? Maybe you’ll even get a call from the girl in this picture, who looks super comfortable with the whole thing.
The company is also hiring, so if you’re an underage Japanese school girl, go ahead and get a hold of them. Just get your parents’ permission first.
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.