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Let’s get real for a second: You may not talk openly about it, but in the back of your mind, for quite a while, you’ve been planning an intricate heist. You’ve worked out every angle, every contingency, every infinitesimal detail. Simply put, it cannot fail.
Except somebody already beat you to it. All you can do is watch your perfect plan put into action by a master thief, marvel at the subtle genius of it, and wish that you had gotten there first. What can you say? High-end burglary is a competitive business.
If you still plan on attempting this sort of thing, do be careful not to knock the portable toilet over when making your getaway. I mean, there may be someone in there.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'