We’ll be singing ballads about @VERSACEPOPTARTS.
It was Shakespeare’s Malvolio in Twelfth Night who said, “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” But on Twitter, greatness can be achieved by thrusting into a series of microwaveable pocket pastries.
@VERSACEPOPTARTS’s battle with social media began last week, when he achieved Vine stardom by posting a very NSFW video selfie involving a box of cinnamon-flavored Pop-Tarts. The Vine is no longer available on Twitter, but there’s a photo of him posing with the box afterward:
Emboldened by the attention his antics were receiving on social media, he decided to up the ante. He told his followers he’d have sex with a Hot Pocket if he received a minimum number of retweets:
Perhaps unsurprisingly, @VERSACEPOPTARTS reached his goal.
He posted the video on Vine eight hours later with the hashtag #FoodPorn. Though the clip was deleted shortly afterward, he continued gloating about his achievement on Twitter, telling his followers he’d follow up the Hot Pocket stunt by doing the same with a donut, then a bowl of Jello.
His post-intercourse reverie, however, was short-lived. Two days ago, the folks at Vine abruptly threw a wrench in his plans, suspending his account. (We reached out to Vine and @VERSACEPOPTARTS for comment, and we’ll update if we hear back.)
“Oh no,” indeed.
Then Hot Pockets’ Twitter account blocked him:
Now @VERSACEPOPTARTS is fighting back with the support of his loyal followers. In fact, he seems to have garnered some sort of bizarre sex appeal, with many of his followers tweeting him to ask if they can be his “own personal Hot Pocket.”
@VERSACEPOPTARTS u are a legend
— Lucíia Guerra (@luciarr9) February 26, 2014
@VERSACEPOPTARTS true inspiration <33
— ♡ jamiee ♡ (@arcticliffordx) February 26, 2014
@VERSACEPOPTARTS can I be your own personal hot pocket please ugh!!!
— ❤️悪い雌犬❤️ (@actual_rtn_ino) February 26, 2014
He also shows no signs of slowing down in his quest for Vine food-porn domination. In one of his most recent messages, he told his followers he’d make love to a rotisserie chicken if he received 200 tweets (at the time of this writing, he’s already gotten 411).
So is Thot Pocket a sex-positive Vine folk hero, or is he just a socially maladroit teenager desperate for follows? That’s up for debate. This much, however, is certain:
Update: As of 6:50pm ET Wednesday, @VERSACEPOPTARTS has been suspended from Twitter, too.
Screengrabs via @VersacePopTarts/Twitter | Photo by rwentechaney/Flickr (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)