HARAMBE AS PRESIDENT

Photo via Gage Skidmore / Flickr Photo via Jeff McCurry / Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden | Remix by Max Fleishman

Podiums out for Harambe.

The first presidential debate is just around the corner. Conspicuously missing from the match-up between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton is a third-party candidate to really shake things up. Not a single one has polled at an average of at least 15 percent to make the cut.

You know who could? Harambe.

That’s what independent presidential hopeful and former CIA operative Evan McMullin believes, at least. Though McMullin is staunchly anti-Clinton and anti-Trump, he’s pulled a tweet out for Harambe and thinks that the ape who died has a chance to save democracy. Of would have if, you know, if he wasn’t fatally shot and all.

It’s worth noting that although Harambe did make an August PPP poll of voters in Texas, neither he not Deez Nuts was polling high enough to make a debate, nor were they being considered in enough different polls to legitimize themselves.

For that reason, some voters are crying foul at McMullin and saying he’s just pandering to voters, as Jill Stein may have been when she issued an impassioned call to action on the 3-month anniversary of Harambe’s death. Others just think the silverback gorilla wouldn’t fuck with McMullin’s politics to begin with.

As of this writing, McMullin has yet to formally pick a running mate. His campaign did include a placeholder for a real-life human named Nathan Johnson, intending it to be temporary only to have it stuck on the ballots of eight states with no way to change it.

It’s time McMullin righted this epic wrong to see if his support really does make a difference by officially nominating Harambe for VP—a likely possibility, given how independent at heart Harambe was until that fateful day at the Cincinnati Zoo.

Layer 8
From Our VICE Partners

Pure, uncut internet. Straight to your inbox.