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Everyone knows that resumes are a bitch to write. How do you sell yourself while still remaining humble? Exactly how much lying can you get away with? Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to just forget the whole thing and keep living in your mom’s basement. After all, is your new job gonna make pizza bagels when your friends come over to play Nintendo? Probably not.
But as fun as Mario Kart and pizza bagels may be, eventually you’re going to have to get up off the couch and get a job. Luckily author Aaron Gillies has an elegant solution for your resume blues. He just asked for a little help from a friend. A friend we all have and sometimes take for granted. A friend known as Google autocomplete, and with its help, he managed to turn himself into the most badass candidate in the history of job applicants.
I needed to update my CV so I did it all through google autocomplete and soon I will have every job pic.twitter.com/pjCBtUhtmw— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) June 29, 2017
Sure it might be rough having an employee whose phone won’t turn on, or who is constantly emailing you spam, but imagine working side by side with a wolf who’s married to England. The networking possibilities alone make him worth the trouble. Add to that the “gorilla warfare” training and the fact that he’s the chosen one, and it’s clear that this is a man your company can’t afford to not hire.
People on Twitter immediately saw the wisdom of Gillies approach.
"I am good at nothing but I can carry you" is now the headline of my cv and title of my book.— Martyn Wells (@wellsy4000) June 29, 2017
Using the same technique to compose my reply... pic.twitter.com/PWVwKNBLCh— Charlie King (@charleshking) June 29, 2017
Here’s hoping this cover letter gets Gillies a job. As he clearly states, he needs the money to buy apps on his phone.
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.