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Giant tortoise understandably angry at being interrupted during sex
Get online and pay for reptile porn like everyone else, man.
Human beings can be so rude. What other species would travel to a tiny, uninhabited island off the coast of Madagascar just to interrupt two magnificently huge reptiles in the throes of sexual passion?
Truly, we are the cockblockingest dweebs in all of nature.
Anyway, here’s National Geographic’s Paul Rose on Assumption Island, wandering right into the midst of a giant-tortoise mating session like a total perv. We really can’t fault the male giant tortoise for his response, which roughly translates to “Step off, bro, unless you wanna go.”
Still, this embarrassment might easily have been averted if someone had just left their shell on the doorknob, which was THE SIGNAL WE ALL AGREED ON, STEVE. (The tortoise’s name is Steve, I guess? IDK.)
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'