- Harness the power of sun: The best solar-powered phone charges 4 Years Ago
- Florida teen arrested after threatening school shooting in group chat Thursday 8:00 PM
- Miley Cyrus tweets about cheating allegations and penis cake drama Thursday 6:32 PM
- ‘The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance’ dazzles with a timely tale Thursday 6:00 PM
- The DOJ emailed a white nationalist blog post to immigration judges Thursday 5:31 PM
- The Amazon rainforest is on fire–and people are using memes to cope Thursday 4:11 PM
- Microsoft contractors listened in on Xbox users Thursday 2:15 PM
- Anti-vaxxer assaults pro-vaccine lawmaker on Facebook Live (updated) Thursday 2:15 PM
- Oreos licked by singer Lewis Capaldi are being auctioned off on eBay Thursday 1:54 PM
- Zach Braff predicted Sean Spicer would be on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ 2 years ago Thursday 1:38 PM
- NYPD sergeant who watched Eric Garner die punished with lost vacation days Thursday 1:27 PM
- Brie Larson haters have a meltdown over a joke about Thor’s hammer Thursday 1:26 PM
- This comedian attempted to make fun of women on Twitter—and it did not go over well Thursday 1:04 PM
- Logan Paul wants to help the Amazon rainforest Thursday 12:36 PM
- Nutaku announces redesign and filters for LGBTQ porn games (updated) Thursday 12:25 PM
Giant tortoise understandably angry at being interrupted during sex
Get online and pay for reptile porn like everyone else, man.
Human beings can be so rude. What other species would travel to a tiny, uninhabited island off the coast of Madagascar just to interrupt two magnificently huge reptiles in the throes of sexual passion?
Truly, we are the cockblockingest dweebs in all of nature.
Anyway, here’s National Geographic’s Paul Rose on Assumption Island, wandering right into the midst of a giant-tortoise mating session like a total perv. We really can’t fault the male giant tortoise for his response, which roughly translates to “Step off, bro, unless you wanna go.”
Still, this embarrassment might easily have been averted if someone had just left their shell on the doorknob, which was THE SIGNAL WE ALL AGREED ON, STEVE. (The tortoise’s name is Steve, I guess? IDK.)
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'