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Give these people a reality show.
Sometimes, in the wild world of Internet videos, the stars align and everything feels exactly right.
The principal elements in the clip below—the shoplifting moms (one pregnant), the flamboyant Family Dollar employee, the confused children, the fateful canister of Febreze, even the sad and drizzly parking lot—all work themselves into a kind of infernal harmony.
The incensed man who foils the would-be thieves scarcely needs to shout “World Star Hip-Hop!” after spraying one woman in the face with her pilfered odor-masking product, but we’re so very glad that he did.
Did the final homophobic insult have its intended sting? Will the spurious claim of sudden blindness land this whole crew in front of a judge? We hope so, if only to see this beautiful footage used as evidence in a court of law.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'