Every now and then, the internet treats us to a tale of such profoundly inexplicable behavior that we begin to suspect we’ve slipped into an alternate dimension. Or that life is an elaborate—but glitchy—simulation.
How else can we hope to understand someone like the guy who thought toilet seats were just for women and always sat directly on the rim to poop? And how else are we to cope with the fact that redditor WaywardChronicler went to r/malefashionadvice with a question about the embarrassing bulge in his jeans only to realize he was the problem?
Your whole world is in question? What about ours?! Now we have to walk around knowing that like one guy in a million is specifically angling his dick straight up so it’s “pointing toward [his] head”? What the fuck, man?
“Is downwards facing actually the natural direction?” My dude, have you ever been naked? Had a health or biology class? I’ll be honest: I tried the flipped-up dick orientation just now and couldn’t even walk around my apartment without wincing and limping. God have mercy on you.
But, to your credit, you finally figured it out. Things are gonna be different from here on out. Hikes will feel better. The underside of your shaft won’t chafe as much. And all those irritating pants bulges will magically vanish.
Welcome to the future, WaywardChronicler. Your wayward days are over.