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I just spent 20 minutes blasting dildos at Donald Trump’s face
Thanks to a new game called Drumpulous, the dildos never stop flying.
Like most single lesbians, I spend a great deal of time throwing dildos. I throw them at my dates when it’s time to take things up a notch; I throw them off the bed when they’re too disgusting to have in the sheets; I throw them into a pot of water and boil them until they are sparkling clean—and the cycle of life begins anew.
But never before today have I thrown so many dildos at once. Until the new video game Drumpulous arrived, I scarely knew such rapid-fire lobbing of silicone phalluses was within the power of my merely human hands.
Drumpulous—which its creators call “a bit of comic relief from the dread of onset fascism”—is a simple, downloadable animation that allows users to maneuver a floating love gun that spits out flying dildos in Donald Trump‘s direction. The gun follows Trump (here referred to only by his German ancestral name, Drumpf) up a set of stairs into an arena full of characters. Drumpf then mounts a podium decorated with a “Drumpf: Make America Dildos Again” banner and begins spouting hate speech—at which point you click over and over again on the gun control and smack him upside the head with as many rubbery dicks as you can.
The Drumpf character’s exceedingly square head bobbles back and forth as you bombard it with prosthetic penises. According to the game creators, who set up a @drumpulous Twitter account, you can unleash a thousand dildos at once by typing the words “not him” into the game.
“I am chilled to the core watching Trump’s rise in popularity and working on this was cathartic for me,” wrote the game’s anonymous developer on the Drumpulous download page. “I hope it brings a lighthearted moment to anyone also suffering from dread in these troubling times.”
Between the ecstatic dildo joy of Drumpulous and a new line of period panties that allow you to menstruate on Trump’s face, there’s a vast variety of options available for voters anxious about the candidate’s creepy rise to power. Drumpulous is part of a brave new wave of responses to fascist Republican toupee farmers: Why flee your beloved country when you can shoot a bunch of dildos at our dictator-in-waiting instead?
Photo via Gage Skidmore / Flickr (CC BY 2.0) | Remix by Max Fleishman
Mary Emily O'Hara is an LGBTQ reporter. Her work has appeared in Rolling Stone, NBC Out, Daily Dot, Broadly, Vice, the Daily Beast, the Advocate, Huffington Post, DNAinfo, Al Jazeera, and Portland's Pulitzer Prize-winning newsweekly Willamette Week, among other outlets.