cricket box twitter story

Yann Coeuru/Flickr (CC-BY)

This man made his family’s home a cricket-infested nightmare

We are so, so sorry, Christopher's wife.

 

Joseph Knoop

Internet Culture

Published Dec 29, 2018   Updated May 20, 2021, 10:34 pm CDT

Washington Post data reporter Christopher Ingraham certainly has a good story to tell the internet, although lately he’s been crunching more bugs than numbers. Ingraham’s family apparently adopted a bearded dragon lizard for Christmas, and Ingraham made the very unique purchase of a cricket box (that is, a box of crickets for a pet lizard or similar creature). But the 250 crickets he ordered from an online insect supply store didn’t stay boxed up for long.

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Folks with entomophobia, check yourselves at the door because it’s about to get creepy and crawly.

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Ingraham and his family live in rural Minnesota so his closest cricket provider is about an hour away, in another state.

It seems like Ingraham’s first mistake would be assuming that some poor FedEx warehouse worker would want anything to do with crickets—or the kind of person that orders crickets online.

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Like a lot of journalists, Ingraham’s a bit busy. Too busy to keep things well-organized around the house, so of course he shoves the cricket box into the bathroom. That’s where many writers, yours truly included, come up with their greatest ideas.

Then Ingraham makes his biggest mistake: Keeping his wife in the chirping, cricket-infested dark.

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And thus Ingraham’s hellish odyssey began.

Ingraham then did what any man would do—retreat to indoor plumbing—and sound like a teenager caught with his dad’s Maxim magazine in the process.

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Everywhere Ingraham looked, a cricket appeared.

Finally, Ingraham managed to sum it all up with the year’s greatest analogy, coming in hot just before the new year.

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With one last heave of the tweet button, Ingraham bids his farewell to the mortal plane, deeply sure his wife is going to murder him in his sleep.

Ingraham updated Twitter on Saturday, saying that he made it out alive and that he had turned the cricket saga into a story of his own.

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H/T Washington Post

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*First Published: Dec 29, 2018, 3:17 pm CST