- Southwest Airlines passengers receive free Nintendo Switch consoles and Mario Maker 2 Wednesday 9:10 PM
- The Deplorable Choir drops diss track aimed at 4 congresswomen from Trump’s racist tweets Wednesday 8:09 PM
- Florida city is pushing homeless people out by playing ‘Baby Shark’ on a loop Wednesday 7:27 PM
- A ‘Gossip Girl’ reboot is coming to HBO Max–and fans are not happy with the casting details Wednesday 6:44 PM
- Beto can’t leverage his slave owner ancestry to gain Black voters’ trust Wednesday 5:51 PM
- Oakland to become the third U.S. city to ban facial recognition Wednesday 5:50 PM
- ‘Release the Snyder Cut’ billboards pop up outside of San Diego Comic-Con Wednesday 5:24 PM
- Iggy Azalea and Peppa Pig have an epic Twitter fight Wednesday 4:39 PM
- Should you be concerned about your privacy on FaceApp? Wednesday 4:15 PM
- Google ‘terminates’ Dragonfly, its censored search engine for China Wednesday 3:33 PM
- AOC rips Facebook during Libra House hearing Wednesday 3:14 PM
- The time traveler conversation meme finds its way to TikTok Wednesday 2:52 PM
- Grimes claims she had an ‘experimental’ eye surgery and practices sword fighting Wednesday 2:42 PM
- 70 Border Patrol employees under investigation for posts in secret Facebook group Wednesday 1:45 PM
- Republican’s Operation Safe Return criticized as cover for mass deporation Wednesday 1:42 PM
Target promises Chuck Tingle they’ll keep his chocolate milk purchase secret
Target’s a real buckaroo to its customers.
I will never forget the grayscale, slow-motion embarrassment of buying a bag of milk and trying to pour it into a jar lest it spill all over the fridge. Milk in bags in bullshit. Countries like Canada and Argentina—where I spent my February in Buenos Aires—beg to differ. So does Chuck Tingle.
The erotic ebook king called on Target to assist him in buying four bags of chocolate milk. The real caveat? He had to do so clandestinely. The complicated author, doctor, and martial artist known for such works as Pounded in the Butt by my Hugo Award Loss didn’t want his son, Jon, to know about the purchase.
Tingle took to the company’s Facebook page to state his case.
Sadly, Target doesn’t stock bags of milk, but they do have boxes. An employee named Andy pointed Tingle in the right direction with a link to a 12-pack of individual-size chocolate milk boxes, complete with straws. Tingle was overjoyed. And, even better, Target said it wouldn’t tell Jon.
This positive bit of publicity had Tingle fans rejoicing. Finally, a local Billings store that gets them!
Tingle shared his victory with his fans on Facebook and Twitter. He followed that up with a clarification as to why bag milk is better than milk cartons. If anyone could sway skeptics from milk container bias, it’s him.
Turns out trash-can-sized bags and not glorified Ziplocs are the standout. Something tells me a whole lot of Buckaroos out there are fixing to pour their jugs and cartons into a Hefty bag the next time they’re thirsty for milk.
A former Weekend Editor at the Daily Dot, April Siese's reporting covers everything from technology and politics to web culture and humor. Her work has been published by Bustle, Uproxx, Death and Taxes, Rolling Stone, the Daily Beast, Thrillist, Atlas Obscura, and others. Siese joined Quartz in December 2016.