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Adding an extra bit of oomph to that fire streak is acclaimed gay erotica writer and fellow candidate Chuck Tingle. The bard of our time has commented on cultural touchstones such as The Dress and what it means to be pounded in the butt by your own butt.
He now sets his sights on everyone’s favorite democratic socialist with Feeling the Bern in My Butt, a 4,000-word tale of “sizzling human on unicorn presidential candidate action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, and gay democratic socialist love.”
This latest tingler follows another presidential banger that the author released over the course of the election season. Tingle’s ode to Trump hit Amazon in September of last year—just as the Donald was rising to the top of the GOP, among other places that Tingle helps readers erotically imagine.
Whereas President Domald Loch Ness Tromp Pounds America’s Butt is a fairly aggressive tale that forcefully takes the nation, Tingle’s homage to Sanders is actually kind of sweet. His description of a Sanders rally will certainly seem familiar to passionate followers of the candidate, who may be secretly also eroticizing the politician:
Every sign that I see has a message that resonates deeply within me, deeper than any candidate has ever been able to reach. While most politicians craft messages that tug at my heartstring, these seem to go even farther. He’s tugging at my butt… I have to admit, all of this political positivity is getting to me, the message of progress and social reform causing a pleasant tingle to slowly form around the trim of my anus. It’s a strange but welcome sensation, something of a burn, but in a warm and inviting way.
Tingle is running his own presidential campaign that has yet to make its way into the tinglers he’s known for. The writer appears to be affiliated with the Buckaroo party and has picked actor Channing Tatum as his running mate.
He will undoubtedly be looking to pound the country in the butt quite soon. Tingle and Tatum’s backdoor strategy could very well put them in the White House come November.
A former Weekend Editor at the Daily Dot, April Siese's reporting covers everything from technology and politics to web culture and humor. Her work has been published by Bustle, Uproxx, Death and Taxes, Rolling Stone, the Daily Beast, Thrillist, Atlas Obscura, and others. Siese joined Quartz in December 2016.