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9 reactions to the #Brangelina breakup we really didn’t need

Leave the heartbroken celebrities alone.


Miles Klee

Internet Culture

Posted on Sep 20, 2016   Updated on May 25, 2021, 11:26 pm CDT

Chilling video of yet another fatal police shooting of an unarmed black man surfaced yesterday, and the son of the Republican nominee for president compared refugees to poisoned Skittles, so you know what that means: It’s time to pay attention to celebrities! 

Specifically, it’s time to talk about celebrities Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, sometimes referred to as #Brangelina, who are getting divorced. This is definitely our business, and it affects us all. Yet I can’t help feeling like some of us really didn’t need to weigh in on it.

For example…

1) Sen. Lindsey Graham   

I guess it’s nice he didn’t dodge the question, but please leave this kind of thing to People magazine, sir.

2) Mr. Met

Given all the rumors about Mrs. Met’s other lovers, this was ill-advised.

3) White supremacists

Oh, good, I was wondering when the kids would get blamed!

4) Tectonic plates

Jeez, overreact much?

5) Nihilist Arby’s


6) Anyone who thinks they’re friends with Jennifer Aniston in real life

Aniston and Pitt split up in 2005, and she’s since married Justin Theroux, but yeah, she’s totally still hung up on this whole drama.

7) Harambe truthers

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Neither the time nor the place, fellas.

8) Business journals

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Wait a minute… this is actually good.

9) Me

I’m just going to shut up now.

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*First Published: Sep 20, 2016, 2:39 pm CDT