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Can you even play a game with these?
There have been a lot of efforts to capitalize on the Pokémon Go phenomenon this year: guidebooks, team T-shirts, bars advertising their proximity to PokéStops. But these absolutely trash bootleg Pokémon Go cards are the most magnificent of all. For one thing, there is no Pokémon Go card game…
These cards appear to be garbage screengrabs from the Pokémon Go mobile game. The creators didn’t even bother to remove the various clickable icons, even though they’re useless on paper. Best of all, they also didn’t change some of the custom names that players had chosen for their Pokémon. So, instead of Blastoise, you have “946.”
(If you’re a Pokémon Go nerd, you’ll recognize the 946 as a way of noting that the ‘mon’s individual stats are at 94.6%. Not bad.)
Some of the combat power values for the Pokémon on these cards don’t appear to have been changed. Others seem totally random, and they’re impossibly high for the game. A 3000 CP Weedle? Come on, man.
So, how do you play the garbage bootleg Pokémon Go Trading Card Game? Looks like it’s just Rock, Paper, Scissors with the arbitrary “attack” and “energy” values added to the cards.
This pile of steaming refuse is the year’s best discount-store stocking stuffer. Get ’em while they’re totally fake and unplayable!
Jay Hathaway is a former senior writer who specialized in internet memes and weird online culture. He previously served as the Daily Dot’s news editor, was a staff writer at Gawker, and edited the classic websites Urlesque and Download Squad. His work has also appeared on nymag.com, suicidegirls.com, and the Morning News.