Treat yo self.
But today is not most days.
Today you can eat as many onion rings as you want. You can go to Popeyes and overdose on their biscuits. Today you can go to KFC and dine on all the fried chicken that your gluttonous heart desires. You can do this because (and only because) today is:
That’s right, it’s the national day of ingesting fatty foods for no reason other than to ruin your health that much faster. But what type of burgers and fries and pizza will help you celebrate this national holiday to its full potential? Read this list to find out.
Checkers Burger w/ Cheese
This is the perfect treat to get at the fine dining establishment known as Checkers. Be sure to get extra cheese on it and don’t hold the mayo. For dessert, head on over to Dairy Queen and get a:
Put caramel on it. Put sprinkles on it. And peanuts. And hot fudge. And gummy bears. And more caramel. This is National Junk Food Day, so go fucking crazy. After you finish this decadent sundae, head on over to Papa John’s and eat:
A large pizza pie with multiple toppings
Eat this entire pizza by yourself. You deserve it. After this, get you:
A cheesy gordita crunch
You’ve always told yourself that Taco Bell is disgusting and gives you the shits, but now that it’s National Junk Food Day, you can give in. Stuff yourself with as many gordita crunches as you can swallow, because, as L’Oréal shampoo says: You’re worth it. Be sure to wash this down with a:
Large strawberry milkshake
You can get this from Burger King, McDonald’s, Arby’s, Chick-fil-A or any fast food establishment that Kelis would frequent. This is not the last thing you should have on this holy day of junk-food freedom, though. When you think you can’t eat another slice of pizza, when you think you’re going to hurl if you eat another french fry, when you’d rather die than consume another donut from Dunkin Donuts, do this:
Tweet about how you’re eating tons of junk food on National Junk Food Day
Don’t be a loser. Today is the only time that you can get fat with no regrets, so keep housing those chicken nuggets and don’t forget to let your followers know that you’re still hungry for more.
Pure, uncut internet. Straight to your inbox.