- This woman told two students to ‘speak English’ and people are not having it Friday 9:53 PM
- Iconic 1968 drag documentary ‘The Queen’ finally released on Netflix Friday 9:29 PM
- This TikTok account for Chancellor Palpatine is hilarious Friday 8:43 PM
- Did the Space Force logo rip off Star Trek? Friday 6:24 PM
- Disabled people with service dogs say Uber, Lyft drivers are denying them rides Friday 3:25 PM
- TikTok teen famous for greasy hair ends her 8-year reign Friday 2:48 PM
- Police handcuff brown man at subway station for carrying a toy gun Friday 1:20 PM
- Fake clip of Sanders quoting infamous ‘hot chip’ tweet is duping people online Friday 1:16 PM
- The Mars Volta’s Cedric Bixler-Zavala alleges Scientologists behind dog’s death Friday 12:46 PM
- Eminem responds to critics: ‘This album was not made for the squeamish’ Friday 12:42 PM
- ‘The poet, the poem’ meme takes iconic lines and turns them into art Friday 12:40 PM
- People are making dark memes about the coronavirus Friday 12:27 PM
- Trump camp’s ‘head on a pike’ impeachment threat hit with memes Friday 11:34 AM
- What is the #FreeBritney movement, and why is Cher tweeting about it? Friday 10:52 AM
- This YouTuber claims the Saudi government plotted to kidnap him on U.S. soil Friday 10:30 AM
Sure, you have big plans to make a DIY Ghostbusters costume with a working proton pack for Halloween this year. But before you know it, that big party will be upon you, and you’ll have no choice but to run to the dollar store for some affordable piece of polyester to wear.
Aside from the lie that “one size fits most,” there’s always something… off about these plastic-bagged costumes, isn’t there? Something I just can’t put my finger on.
Oh, right—it’s that the manufacturers never have the rights to the characters they’re profiting from, so they have to make their getups juuuuust different enough, in name and style, to avoid legal consequence. But still recognizable as the thing they’re ripping off.
Get it? Because he’s… from space? Or crammed in that too-tight costume? Or something?
Man, the hours I spend as a kid playing Sidekick Bros. on my Nantantord video game system! You have no idea. Or wait, am I thinking of Video Game Guy? Always getting them confused.
These all seem geared toward guys, but never fear: There’s also stuff for the ladies! For example:
Ah yes, the hit ’90s comedy that was definitely called that. Who could forget it? Not you, Halloween consumer.
I’m only 50 percent sure this derives from the flop Kill Yourself Krew superhero movie, but I’m sure it’ll read. Especially if you get your friend to go as her companion…
GREEN VILLAIN. The scariest bad guy of all. But maybe fear and frights aren’t really your thing. In which case, may I present…
Who’s to say which Celebrity Chef this is meant to resemble? Paula Deen? Ina Garten? Anthony Bourdain? Legally untouchable.
This costume is your entry to a world of imagination. Just don’t imagine anything too specific or you might get sued.
Anyway, we’re bound to see plenty more shitty costumes like these in the month ahead, so we’ll update this post as we see them. Wouldn’t want you to buy anything less than the best.
Update 2:37pm CT, Oct. 11: Halloween is also the perfect occasion to memorialize those we’ve lost this year. So consider dressing as Adult Purple Rock Star.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'