We really hope these aliens‘ data plan covers galactic roaming.
Several somewhat sketchy reports have claimed that archaeologists digging in Austria recently uncovered an ancient clay tablet that looks like your Nokia cellphone from 2001. Etched into the keys are cuneiform characters instead of your typical numerical keypad. It’s supposedly dated around the 13th century BCE, so you know, super vintage. Even before the likes of Zack Morris’s brick of a phone in Saved by the Bell. This tablet is pretty much an actual brick.
So “finding” this artifact has given paranormal theorists a field day, largely having them think that time-traveling aliens must have tried to introduce an older civilization to the 21st century tech that it wasn’t ready for yet. Those ancient people could have then tried to recreate the mysterious object that they saw extraterrestrials playing Snake on, only being able to come up with a clay tablet lookalike. Hence the relic being found.
It makes total sense, albeit with some holes in the story. But instead of wondering exactly why aliens were hanging with the generations from centuries ago, what’s more curious is what were these visitors were doing with some cellphones. We have some ideas.
1) Phoning E.T. to let him know they were on their way to pick him up from hanging out with child Drew Barrymore.
2) Playing that damn addicting Snake game. No phone game in recent years comes close to how fun the pixelated game was.
3) Burner phone for hitting up their weed dealers. While technology like spaceships may be more advanced than our feeble devices, Earth’s progress on weed growth and consumption is lightyears ahead of UFOs. These dudes were just tryna get lit.
4) Getting ahold of Time Warner to dispute a bill regarding a cable box they returned once they switched over to Optimum.
5) Sexting. Can’t keep the nudes of their sexy alien genitalia on their everyday telecommunications.
Aliens, they’re just like us.