Woman says the bird test determines if your relationship is built to last

@alyssacardib/TikTok SvetaZi/ShutterStock (Licensed)

‘Probably getting a divorce now’: Woman says the bird test determines if your relationship is built to last

‘My husband and I still do this after 20 years’


Alexandra Samuels


Posted on Oct 28, 2023

Want to see if your relationship—romantic or otherwise—will withstand the test of time? Enter “the bird test,” a concept that a TikTok user recently introduced to viewers. In a now-viral video, the content creator said that the test “never fails.”

In the video, TikToker Lyss Lyss (@alyssacardib) explained how the bird test works. She said that she’s used it in romantic relationships, but that the test works for testing the strength of platonic relationships, too. As of Saturday morning, her clip had over 287,000 views. 

To explain the bird test, Lyss gave viewers an example of her using it in real-time. Lyss said she was at Starbucks with a “newer friend” of hers when she saw a woodpecker in a tree. 


Bird test

♬ original sound – Lyss Lyss

“I’m like, ‘holy sh*t, there’s a woodpecker in that tree,’” Lyss said. Her friend, she said, “whips around so fast and is, like, ‘where?’”

“For the next 10 minutes, the two of us just stared out of the Starbucks window… watching this woodpecker… while we Googled random facts about woodpeckers,” Lyss added. 

The bird test, she concluded, is when you say something that might be considered “insignificant,” but the friend or partner listening responds with genuine interest and curiosity. 

“That’s a sign that your relationship will last a long time,” Lyss said. “The bird test never f*cking fails.”  

The Daily Dot reached out to Lyss via TikTok comment. But she’s certainly not the first person to make this point. The bird test—or “bids for connection”—was first introduced by the Gottman Institute. According to the Gottmans, bids can be “small or big, verbal or nonverbal. They’re requests to connect. They might take the form of an expression, question, or physical outreach. They can be funny, serious, or sexual in nature.” The duo said that turning toward bids can help strengthen a relationship. 

More than one commenter agreed with the theory. 

“30 years ago my girl pointed out a raven. We watched her for half an hour and were absorbed with each other,” one viewer shared. 

“My husband and I still do this after 20 years,” another user affirmed. 

“I’m big on this test and didn’t even know,” a third person added.

Others, however, noticed that their partners or family members haven’t always accepted their bids.

“EVERY time I see an Eagle, I’m like LOOK an EAGLE!” one woman said. “But my husband doesn’t respond. Probably getting a divorce now.”

“My mom didn’t pass the bird test,” another wrote. “Now she’s just somebody that I used to know.”

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*First Published: Oct 28, 2023, 10:13 am CDT