A TikToker who uses their platform to discuss predatory patterns in relationships and other interpersonal dynamics has struck a chord with some users over one strategy in particular.
I a video titled “Predatory Patterns: Sexual Boundary Probing through story,” @red_sage1 explains that seemingly-innocent conversations about sex acts can be a problematic pattern.
“Let’s talk about another predatory tactic that we use while dating people that we may not be aware is actually predatory,” @red_sage1 says in the video. “Have you ever told or witnessed the telling of a story about a sex act to a woman, and it goes something like this, ‘Ah, my roommate brought a girl home the other day, it was crazy. I could hear them through the walls, let me tell you what happened,’ and then we get like, really specific with different sex acts.”
He says that this type of behavior appears as a method to test how someone feels about sexual discussions.
“One of the ways that we use stories like this is to see how a woman will respond to hearing about sex, and how a woman might typically respond to certain sexual acts when she hears about them. This kind of gauging of a woman’s response is a form of boundary probing.”
He also said this method can become part of a pattern of grooming.
“The reason this is so predatory is because it looks like a lure to pull someone into a natural conversation that then gets more and more intense as it goes on. Over time this can desensitize a person, or a mark, to have sexual conversations and ideas with you, probes the boundaries to see what we can get away with. Those two pieces added with a power imbalance is the recipe for grooming.”
Some commenters shared their experiences of these types of conversations.
“It’s been wild to see the ways men will ask these probing questions and try to pass them off as natural ‘getting to know you better’ questions,” one commenter wrote.
“There’s also the innuendos that they try to pass as innocent statements ‘YOU’RE the one making it dirty’ comments,” another wrote.
“They get frustrated when you politely or cheekily sidestep this move,” a commenter wrote. “A dry ‘good for your roommate,’ or a ‘wow, you’ve been waiting to tell this.’”
A third added: “When you call them out on it, they accuse you of being uptight.”
The Daily Dot has reached out to @red_sage1 regarding this video via a comment left on the video as they could not be reached via other social platforms.
