As with anything else, we can fall into unhelpful patterns of behavior in online dating. Here’s how to rethink your strategy, remodel your profile, and try a few new things.
Beth Cook is a dating coach and throws private dating events for San Francisco’s most awesome and unattached. She also writes and draws about her own dating experiences. Want advice? Have advice? Send her an email.
Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
With that in mind, now think about your online dating strategy.
Are you the gal who sits on her couch watching romantic comedies with a side of pizza and tears thinking, “Why hasn’t anyone messaged me this week?” Or the guy slumped over his computer writing emails to girl after girl online, wondering “Why are non of these girls writing me back?”
If what you’re doing isn’t working, change it.
You are not going to meet the Mr. Right by playing the waiting game. Get online and message new people! And you are not going to convince a woman to go on a date with you if you haven’t been able to convince any women already. Edit your profile and write wildly different messages.
It’s easy to accidentally treat dating as a job and get stuck in routines—using the same online tactics, voicing the same complaints, and feeling the same disappointment.
Wake up. This isn’t your desk job. This is your life. There are (almost) no rules—you can go about getting dates however you damn well please. Why not make it fun? Why not look at online dating as an experiment?
Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself to get you thinking, get you moving, and most importantly, get you trying out new strategies.
1) How are you representing yourself?
Write a profile that will attract the kind of person you want to date (not one that simply describes you). If you want to date someone adventurous, tell a story about something adventurous you’ve done. Like attracts like. Also write about what you have to offer. Make it active, not passive. Instead of writing “I’m into cocktails,” you should write: “I will make you the best Bloody Mary you’ve ever had.”
2) Who are you identifying as date potential?
Be open minded when it comes to age, race, eating habits, and so on. Message people who have profiles that catch your attention in some smaller, more unique way. Don’t look for your ideal guy or gal—look for someone you could spend an hour with. Your problem might be that you are either shooting out of your league or being too picky. And always remember you can’t actually determine the essence of a person (or your attraction to them) by viewing an online profile.
3) What is the content of your messages?
Write messages that are short (a few lines), thoughtful (mention what about their profile caught your eye—not photos), and suggest a date activity (take things offline ASAP to see if there is any real potential). Save other questions for the date.
Ready for that new approach? Experiment to find what works and what doesn’t—and do more of what works! Duh. The more you can approach dating with a lighthearted, experimental attitude, the better you’ll fare.
Art by Fernando Alphonso III
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