“Gas prices will go up” and other Mad Fortunes on Twitter

This hysterical Twitter account posts the unfortunate predictions you won't likely find in a fortune cookie. 


Fernando Alfonso III


Published Feb 9, 2012   Updated Jun 2, 2021, 9:37 pm CDT

The American fortune cookie dates back to the early 20th century to a time when the crispy pastries were meant to be eaten as a small dessert and provide people with uplifting words of wisdom.

These days, the cookies are a staple of Chinese restaurants around the world and the subject of a hilarious parody account on Twitter, @MadFortunes.

“Mad Fortunes may cause mild irritation, psoriasis, localized swelling, halitosis, nausea, and/or dull, unmanageable hair,” states the accounts official Web page. “If after reading a fortune you experience an erection lasting for four hours or longer, discontinue use of Mad Fortunes immediately and consult a psychiatrist. Seriously man, that’s weird.”

Here are some of the best tweets from the five-day-old account.

Photo by abakedcreation

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*First Published: Feb 9, 2012, 6:08 pm CST