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Sex scandals. Deleted emails. Twitter beefs. Bogus charities. The very foundation of American democracy questioned. Every half-hour or so, the 2016 election bears witness to some unprecedented, horrifying headline.
It’s enough to make you want a beer. Except, hang on:
What you see there is Donald Trump‘s son Eric kicking off the most irrelevant controversy of the season: whether or not it’s OK to drink a beer that can best be described as “the one your mom always buys when you come to visit and you don’t have the heart to tell her is just not very good.”
Matters were made much worse thanks to comments from 73-year-old Dick Yuengling himself, who told Eric, “Our guys are behind your father” and “We need him in there,” according to a report in the Reading Eagle. Soon enough, Pennsylvania—where Yuengling is headquartered, and a state that Trump will probably lose despite promises to turn it red—had become the focal point of a potential boycott almost too stupid to consider.
But let’s consider it anyway.
Amazing to think that it’s the politics of Yuengling’s current owner—rather than the dour, brewed-in-a-gym-sock flavor of the company’s flagship “amber” lager—that has turned loyal drinkers off the brand. I sort of wonder what beers they’ll try now. Genesee Cream Ale? Who knows!
But what’s way funnier than anti-Trump forces potentially deciding to switch to the ashtray-like taste of Coors Light is the pro-Trump camp deciding they need to shore up Yuengling by devoting themselves to its poorly crafted swill. Just imagine how hilariously sad the Trump victory parties will be after Hillary crushes him—nothing but warm Yuengs and antique, unusable muskets. The revolution… over before it began.
In a hotly contested presidential battle where almost everything we think of as “American” is at stake, it’s beautiful to see people coming together to fight about something that really, truly, does not matter one fucking bit.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'