- UPS facing backlash for thanking police after employee killed in shootout Saturday 5:02 PM
- Sanders campaign fires staffer after anti-Semitic, homophobic tweets surface Saturday 3:13 PM
- Brother Nature was attacked, says everyone just watched with phones out Saturday 2:45 PM
- Ryan Reynolds’ gin company hires Peloton wife for ad Saturday 1:24 PM
- Ex-vegan YouTuber accused of fraud after following meat-only diet Saturday 1:11 PM
- The 15 best Disney+ hidden gems and deep cuts Saturday 12:23 PM
- Everyone in GoFundMe scam involving homeless veteran has now pleaded guilty Saturday 12:06 PM
- Boy invites kindergarten class to his adoption–and people are emotional Saturday 11:56 AM
- Reddit links leaked trade deal documents to Russian campaign Saturday 10:44 AM
- How to stream Alistair Overeem vs. Jairzinho Rozenstruik Saturday 8:30 AM
- Amazon sends customers condoms and soap instead of Nintendo Switch Saturday 8:28 AM
- How to live stream Jermall Charlo vs. Dennis Hogan Saturday 8:00 AM
- Apple TV’s ‘Truth Be Told’ is a criminally dull drama Saturday 6:00 AM
- Thousands of Uber users have reported sexual assaults, company says Friday 5:40 PM
- ‘Astronomy Club’ reformats the sketch show Friday 4:58 PM
Sex scandals. Deleted emails. Twitter beefs. Bogus charities. The very foundation of American democracy questioned. Every half-hour or so, the 2016 election bears witness to some unprecedented, horrifying headline.
It’s enough to make you want a beer. Except, hang on:
What you see there is Donald Trump‘s son Eric kicking off the most irrelevant controversy of the season: whether or not it’s OK to drink a beer that can best be described as “the one your mom always buys when you come to visit and you don’t have the heart to tell her is just not very good.”
Matters were made much worse thanks to comments from 73-year-old Dick Yuengling himself, who told Eric, “Our guys are behind your father” and “We need him in there,” according to a report in the Reading Eagle. Soon enough, Pennsylvania—where Yuengling is headquartered, and a state that Trump will probably lose despite promises to turn it red—had become the focal point of a potential boycott almost too stupid to consider.
But let’s consider it anyway.
Amazing to think that it’s the politics of Yuengling’s current owner—rather than the dour, brewed-in-a-gym-sock flavor of the company’s flagship “amber” lager—that has turned loyal drinkers off the brand. I sort of wonder what beers they’ll try now. Genesee Cream Ale? Who knows!
But what’s way funnier than anti-Trump forces potentially deciding to switch to the ashtray-like taste of Coors Light is the pro-Trump camp deciding they need to shore up Yuengling by devoting themselves to its poorly crafted swill. Just imagine how hilariously sad the Trump victory parties will be after Hillary crushes him—nothing but warm Yuengs and antique, unusable muskets. The revolution… over before it began.
In a hotly contested presidential battle where almost everything we think of as “American” is at stake, it’s beautiful to see people coming together to fight about something that really, truly, does not matter one fucking bit.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'