Anthropologie is selling a trash can for those who live the “shabby chic” lifestyle and aspire to be Sesame Street’s Oscar the Grouch. With not-so-subtle dashes of rust and an “abaca rope” or “mango wood” handle, this “West Village Corrugated Can” trash can is essentially the torn jeans of trash cans: overpriced (originally $148 but now $99.95), pointless, and, well, profoundly stupid.
But this is hardly the first time Anthropologie has attempted to sell really, really dumb stuff for prices that are absolutely outrageous in the name of contemporary cool. Consider this “Mason Pearson Brush” that, for $150, better be able to brush your fucking hair on its own, and, more importantly, make sure your hair is selfie-ready at all times of the day.
Or the $998 “Handcarved Menagerie Deer Armchair.” Seriously, why would a person buy this? Are you conjuring evil spirits with a Ouija board made from the wood of century-old coffins? Are you writing your own instructional guide on how to become a master of the dark arts, printed on recycled paper? If not, then you have no business sitting on such a chair. If yes, shut up, no you aren’t.
How about this $24 “Druzy Quartz Knob” that looks like fossilized shit? Because at the end of the day, there’s nothing better than returning home from a long day of work and being greeted by a knob that reminds you that life is shit, but it’s also beautiful—but mostly shit.
Can’t pass up this $198 “Card Catalog Wallpaper,” which is what nightmares are made of and will make most people you bring to your apartment regret accepting your advances on Tinder, because they now think you’re a failed librarian or serial killer (or both).
Finally, take a moment to appreciate the $598 “Knotted Melati Hanging Chair,” perfect for an apartment that’s a little bit bigger than that literal closet space you were renting a couple months ago. You’ll tell yourself it’s symbolic of that transition: “I was a caterpillar and became a butterfly,” you’ll say as you emerge from your polyester cocoon. But you’ll know, deep down, that you’ve made the dumbest purchase of your entire existence.
Should you literally set your money on fire before spending it on any of this trash? That’s not for us to say—but at least a fire looks nice.