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The Internet is full of entertaining maps that can give you all sorts of interesting information about the place you call home. There’s a map showing the most iconic movie set in your state, for example. Pornhub even posted a map that reveals what your neighbors are masturbating to—although for some reason it’s been replaced with a blurry photo of a topless woman. (Thanks, Pornhub, we already know where to find those).
There’s even a handy chart that breaks down the criteria they used. Each state was ranked on a scale from 0-100 in each category, then those numbers were tallied up for a final score. Not surprisingly, Colorado was the number one state for people who enjoy the devil’s lettuce.
The real fun comes from combining these online maps to draw a picture of an average resident for each state. For instance, is there some poor guy in Kentucky who feels extra paranoid when he lights up a joint and jerks off to hentai? Has no one in North Dakota ever gotten high and watched Fargo? Seems hard to believe, but numbers don’t lie.
And your heart really has to go out to the people of Alaska, which gets a perfect score of 100 for legality, but a mere 3 in affordability. You risk your life catching delicious crabs for those schmucks in the lower 48 and then you have to blow it all on two joints? Sounds like a raw deal. Sorry, Alaska.
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.