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#Skaterboi is the realest hashtag on Instagram
This one’s for you, Avril.
Writer Alana Massey’s ode to the ageless, melancholic appeal of the Skater Boi really stirred something in my loins last week. Gross? Gross! I know.
Yoooooo shouts out to @liqwoodboards, @beartrucks, @bonesbearings, and @arborskateboards (wheels) for helping me build this beautiful creation. (Again!) #bruh #bae #blacktop #Longboarding #longboarder #longboard #skateboarding #skate #skateboard #skatelife #skaterguy #skatersgonnaskate #thegoodlife #thebest #happiness #livelife #skaterboy #skaterboi #awesome #livin #sodope #whatido #vans #gettinit #dancer #skywalker #skateanddestroy
A photo posted by Kelvin Siringi Thomas-Edebe (@kedebe1) on
But I think most young women understand the lusty, not so much sexual as warm, hazy appeal of the Skater Boi. Boys named Trevor, Shane, Connor, or any two-letter combination (AJs, CJs, EJs, I see you), get at me. Until my telephone starts ringing, I’ll explore this hashtag as my 15-year-old poser self. It’s 2015. What do Skater Bois even LOOK like anymore?
The #skaterboi hashtag will make you want a few things very badly: a sandstone-colored brick house, a Capri Sun, a hoodie, and a decent view of the boy from a few doors over as he alternates between not really doing tricks on a homemade half-pipe and incessant drumming in a detached garage. I chose #skaterboi over #skaterboy because anyone who uses the latter is someone who doesn’t understand fun. #Skaterboi offers more Avril Lavigne, more gages, and more hospital trips.
Dating a grownup #skaterboi would be kind of strange. What do their reedy teenage torsos look like when they become grown men? Because #skaterboi is from a very specific time in our collective pop culture existence, the whole thing will make you aware of the lines on your face, the way your faded PacSun skinny jeans used to fit, running rivers, etc.
Kristennicole knows what dating an older #skaterboi is like, and the couple have two sandy-haired little skater kick flippin’ dudes. What do you think the first song they made out to was?
A photo posted by Kristen Franklin (@kristenicole) on
Next up, we have a reformed #skaterboi who is now a “made in America, gun-toting, hard-working son of liberty.” If you are familiar with rural suburban skater bois, this progression makes perfect sense to you.
My favorite photo of the #skaterboi oeuvre was taken at a skate park in Bethpage, New York. Bethpage is “home to New York State’s best tasting drinking water,” a one-time epicenter of modules for moon landings, and home to these boys and their three-legged dog.
Hova chillin with a small portion of his skater squad. #hovadog #skatersquad #threeleggeddog #bethpageskatepark #madlovetoallmyskaterhomies #nooneissmokingweedinthis 😏 #skaterdog #skateboard #skateboarders #skaterboyz #skaterboi #skaterboys #skaterboiz
A photo posted by Jason Barlow (@jason_barlow) on
OK, switch out whatever East Coast skater bois listen to and put on 40oz. To Freedom. My MySpace bio said “Just a girl who loves surfing and music.” I had my playlist set to Jack Johnson and Foo Fighters to let anyone who visited my page know what they were dealing with: the chillest, most down girl in the world. Here’s an exact replica of who I was hoping to attract: this dude CJ and and his kind-of girlfriend Taylor.
Taylor would intimidate me, and we also wouldn’t get along in a fundamental way, but that would not bother me if she invited me over.
Other honorable mentions from #skaterboi include dogs on skateboards and an inexplicable number of photos featuring a man who is doing a lot of different things in his photos though not skateboarding in a damn one of them. There is also one fantastic Roy Lichtenstein-inspired meme with a tearful woman saying: “Oh God! Why can’t my boyfriend skate?”
That, my dudes, is a very good question to ask yourself. If you came of age during a certain era, all of these perennially hat-haired, Volcom-wearing little hellraisers will make you want to return (briefly) from the planned community you crawled out of. And now maybe you won’t be too scared to talk to them. That is why #skaterboi is the realest hashtag on Instagram.
Photo via Nan Palmero/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)