My mother has four followers on Twitter: me, my bestie Sue, my college radio station, and a spam
account. She only follows two people: an old friend of hers (he does not follow her back) and me.
Pretty solid ratio.
My family has been infatuated with my mother’s Twitter account since she started it four years ago.
It has an unintentionally aggressive tone, sprinkled with dark humor and anecdotes about
what it feels like to get older. Her (sometimes bizarre) insights about aging are what make her
account unique for me; she’s the only person over 60 I follow on Twitter, aside from the wonderful
Mom doesn’t tweet often, but when she does, her perception of the world makes me uncomfortable in a
simultaneously banal and profound ways. Her tweets are reminiscent of @sosadtoday, an
account she’s definitely never heard of. I enjoy her simplicity and her earnestness, but sometimes
I’m unsure whether I’m laughing with or at her. She’s accused me of mocking her, and I reply, “A lot of times people are funny in ways they don’t understand, and that’s okay. That’s
where a lot of comedy comes from.”
My favorite of her tweets is:
Don’t shatter my feeling alone in the world by being nice to me.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) November 16, 2013
My least favorite one is probably:
At my age my underwear serves as a bra for my butt.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) May 6, 2013
In her old age, my mom sincerely does not care about getting followers or attention on the Internet generally, which I respect. She’s just a lady tweeting her feelings. Enjoy!
Am I a product of or a reaction against?
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) December 15, 2012
I’m ready to ditch my life for virtual reality.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) April 25, 2015
My life has devolved to a perpetual out of body experience.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) April 25, 2015
Something sad is happening.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) April 25, 2015
I understand tattoos, piercings and swear words.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) April 1, 2015
Men who wear hats inside are conspicuously bald.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) March 26, 2015
I’m scared of running out of ideas.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) December 23, 2014
My 71 year old neighbor needs me to get him a bottle of milk of magnesia and a box of Depends (maximum absorbency size XL).
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) January 24, 2014
I was an imposter today. It felt good.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) January 2, 2014
How do I get this mask off my face and where the hell did it come from.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) December 15, 2013
An upside of old age is that it is temporary.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) October 21, 2011
On December 4, 2012, my mom tweeted:
Am I as funny as I think I am or do people just humor me as they don’t know how else to react?
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) December 5, 2012
I was going to answer her question and say, “A little bit of both,” but I actually think she answers
it quite well herself:
My sixth sense is self deception.
— NeuroticNeed (@PeyserTwits) April 28, 2012
… and really, isn’t that true for all of us? Keep on keepin’ it 100, mom.
Photo via Eve Peyser
