As kids, we all dreamt of finding messages in bottles, which would undoubtedly call us to Stevenson-esque adventures that involved stowing away on pirate ships. This week, one kid had that dream come true. Well, sort of. If you replace the plot of Treasure Island with “two massive cokeheads named Dan.”
Robbie Chappell, 13, found a note stowed in a Heineken bottle during a walk on Hayling Island, Hampshire, England, the Independent reports. And it was certainly a tale of adventure, but not the kind he was hoping for.
Here’s the text of the note, dated Oct. 1 and found Oct. 2. It is, perhaps, the epitome of 2016 Britain. Apparently, a couple of blokes named Dan was out their nuts on cocaine, innit m8? Cheeky.
“Dan and Dan was here 1/10/16 12.19pm. Out our nuts on cocaine! Massive love for the sesh! Lots of love sesh gremlins aka Hud & Suv.”
A video taken by Robbie’s dad shows the teen excitedly breaking the bottle, and carefully unfolding the wet note to discover it was… not a treasure map. Not unless Dan and Dan left their stash somewhere nearby.
Although it was a disappointment, at least Robbie and his dad got a laugh out of it.
“Robbie’s a pretty streetwise kid so he knew what it was about. We were just laughing at how ridiculous it was,” his dad told The Sun.
Soz, boys. I know you were hoping for something more. Massive love for the sesh, though. Massive.