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The Loch Ness monster is the catfish of the century

We've been lied to for years.


Gabe Bergado

Internet Culture

Posted on Jul 17, 2015   Updated on May 28, 2021, 8:14 am CDT

Apparently we’ve been duped for years by the illustrious Loch Ness monster of Scotland.

Reuters reports that Steve Feltham, the man who has spent 24 years hunting the majestic water giant, believes that the fabled Nessie is simply a catfish. No, not just an MTV Nev Schulman Catfish faker trying to pass off a hotter person’s identity as their own—Feltham believes that the monster is quite literally just an oversized Wels catfish.

This is a picture of the species that Feltham believes to be the fish behind the monster:

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And the thing is, we have good reason to believe this guy. He gave up his girlfriend, house, and job in 1991 to devote his life to find the long-necked beauty—a search that has spanned more than two decades.

Finally the truth has come to light.

And upon further investigation, we found seven other urban legends like Nessie that have also turned out to be catfish—every single one of them. We’ve been lied to for years. So we got down to it and discovered what they truly look like. Forget whatever storybook depiction you have whipped up in your imagination—here’s the bona fide, real thing. 

1) Tooth Fairy

A fluffy pink tutu, glittery crown, and a sack stuffed with children’s teeth? Nope, you’re wrong. She’s even cuter IRL.

Albino Catfish

2) Mr. Sandman

The guardian of slumber doesn’t float into people’s bedrooms, he swims.

Flathead Catfish

3) Santa Claus

Saint Nicholas might not look like the jolly, white-haired man your parents described him as. But he still enjoys a plate of cookies on Christmas.

Red-Tailed Catfish

4) Bloody Mary

Saying “Bloody Mary” three times in front of a mirror with the lights turned off terrorized all the other kids on the block while growing up. I’m more frightened knowing what she actually looks like.


5) Mothman

A lesser-known urban legend, but still just as big of a faker as every one of them. He doesn’t even have wings, just gills.


6) Bigfoot

All those photos of the furred man, walking through the forest? An elaborate lie to keep his real face hidden.

Bonsoir Monsieur Cat Fish

7) Your Uncle Dennis that Mom insists is real

Everyone has that one family member that apparently exists, but is never seen. Their name is whispered at gatherings, no photos to be found in scrapbooks. But Uncle Dennis is very much alive, albeit he doesn’t look exactly how you’d picture him.

Fried shrimp and catfish at Big O's, Bossier City

Gosh, is anybody even who they say they are nowadays? We can’t even trust Pluto

Photo via mulad/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: Jul 17, 2015, 9:03 pm CDT