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There’s nothing like sitting down to binge-watch your favorite show. Some of us love Breaking Bad, some of us can’t get enough Shondaland, and some are diehard Hallmark movie fans.
IMDb user bookandcandle fits the latter category.
We followed Josiah Hughes’ tip to bookandcandle’s user page. Maybe it’s a prank, we thought. Perhaps this is the work of a troll?
But no, the user page is oh so real, and it’s truly a rabbit hole into the heart of a Hallmark movie lover.
Look—bookandcandle loves Hallmark movies, really loves them.
When a Hallmark movie is good, it’s really, really good.
Literally, what more could you ask for?
But there is one thing bookandcandle will not abide, and that is loud music in Hallmark movies.
“I am not the only one who has complained to Hallmark about this sharp, irritating type of music,” writes bookandcandle. While we were unable to confirm that, we can verify that bookandcandle has a long history of logging complaints about the “bing-bong” music.
The reviews date all the way back to 2011, when Hallmark’s abrasive soundtrack ruined this “heartwarming” story about an intriguing connection between an American woman and an Irish man.
The dreaded “bing-bong” music also contributed to this little trainwreck that bookandcandle believes could have been a beautiful fairytale.
“Most Hallmark movies have loud background music playing now that is louder than the voices,” bookandcandle laments. “Their movies are now concerts.”
And yet, bookandcandle boldly trudges ahead, watching film after film, hoping against hope that Hallmark movies will be restored to their former sonic glory.
Oh to think what Cupid, Inc. could have been…
We may never know the true splendor of the utterly relatable Lake Effects.
How many evenings must bookandcandle sacrifice to the horror of “ping-pong” Hallmark music?
When will bookandcandle’s luck in (Hallmark) love be restored?
Oh Hallmark, you cruel mistress, when will you quit toying with bookandcandle’s heart and eardrums? Because bookandcandle does love happy endings. But this devoted reviewer may never find the moderate-volume soundtrack of their heart’s desire. Only time will tell.
Photo via Paul Sableman/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)
Nayomi Reghay is a frequent contributor to the Daily Dot, covering body positivity, feminism, sex, relationships, and gender. She is also the author of the advice column “Swipe This!” A former New York Teaching Fellow, her writing has been featured in Reductress, Rolling Stone, Mic, Someecards, and more.