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There are a lot of strange sounding ingredients in a modern pack of gum: Aspartame, Glycerol, Sorbitol, Phenylalanine… it seems like there’s gotta be something in there that a Walter White type could use to make drugs, or a bomb, or something, if he found himself in a tight situation.
It’s as good an explanation as any for the bizarre actions of a man who walked into a convenience store in Ontario and stole $1,528 worth of gum.
Other than the video below, police have no leads on the gum thief. According to police, the man arrived at a Shoppers Drug Mart, filled one trash bag full of gum, loaded it into a waiting taxi, then came back in and loaded up a second bag.
Which leaves us to ask: “Why?” Not only why steal so much gum in the first place, but also why use two bags?
A pack of Orbit will set you back about $1.69 at a typical American convenience store. Meaning that the thief would need to steal 904 packs to reach $1,528. If we figure the volume of a pack of gum as 1.78 cubic inches, he would only need 1,615.614 cubic inches, or approximately 6.99 gallons worth of space, to haul out his ill-gotten goods. Even if he was only using a typical 13 gallon kitchen bag, it seems like he could have easily made it in one trip.
Of course, we can’t forget that this happened in Canada, and given the current exchange rate, a pack of Orbit probably costs around $2.46 Canadian, which means our man only had to steal around 621 packs to account for the $1,528 figure—and makes the two-bag strategy even more perplexing. Then again, gum might be worth less in Canada than it is in the U.S., or come in giant boxes. As of this writing the Daily Dot has been unable to locate a source for an American to Canadian gum exchange rate.
So many questions! This has conspiracy written all over it, and somewhere out there, waiting to strike again, is the one man who knows the answers.
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.