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If today’s maelstrom of bad news didn’t scare you enough already, get ready for a shaggy hellbeast known as “Gritty.” Gritty is the new mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers, which is supposedly a hockey team. But with a mascot like this, it seems more like a strange cult.
Gritty debuted on Monday, and to top things off, he even comes with his own backstory full of childhood trauma, a secret hideaway beneath the Wells Fargo Center, and a strange craving for processed meat. Via the Flyers:
His father was a “bully,” so naturally he has some of those tendencies – talented but feisty, a fierce competitor, known for his agility given his size. He’s loyal but mischievous; the ultimate Flyers fan who loves the orange and black, but is unwelcoming to anyone who opposes his team. Legend has it he earned the name “Gritty” for possessing an attitude so similar to the team he follows.
He claims that he’s been around for a lot longer than we know it, and recent construction at the Wells Fargo Center disturbed his secret hideout forcing him to show his face publicly for the first time. He has some oddities that are both humorous and strange. A number of times he’s been caught eating snow straight from the Zamboni machine, and unbeknown to most, his love of hot dogs has been inflating the Flyers Dollar Dog Night consumption totals for years.
That being said, there’s no denying that he’s one of our own.
I’m sorry, are you trying to create a new horror icon? That is literally a b-plot from Five Nights at Freddy’s.
Never one to hold back, the internet promptly exploded with reactions to the Grimace-like predator.
Me: what a lovely crisp morning to ease into the fall with a clear head.— Boo Radley Beal (@clintonyates) September 24, 2018
News cycle: pic.twitter.com/aRHOqv2chC
They call him Gritty cuz you don’t wanna know the things he’ll do to get some meth https://t.co/wZ7OWDfoXo— Tom Fornelli (@TomFornelli) September 24, 2018
Gritty even has his own personal Twitter account, for when you need that jolt of energy that accidentally scrolling past his unblinking eyes will provide.
I guess Gritty is an improvement over the Flyers' last mascot, which was a guy named Nick in carpenter jeans and a Blue Lives Matter hoodie— Michael Baumann (@MJ_Baumann) September 24, 2018
"HERE’S GRITTY!" pic.twitter.com/DFIIn1Qlli— Matt Mullin (@matt_mullin) September 24, 2018
Gritty is the answer to the age-old question ‘would Chewbacca gain weight on meth?’ pic.twitter.com/BSuBFlsXgN— goran (@senssensei) September 24, 2018
If you’re like me, you can’t help but notice the deluge of meth jokes. Poor Gritty. I look forward to him getting bloody revenge on all the naysayers in “Gritty Part 9: The Final Chapter.”
Sleep with one eye open tonight, bird. pic.twitter.com/wLmGBa0Oyh— Gritty (@GrittyNHL) September 24, 2018
See? Told you. Cold-blooded killer.
Joseph Knoop is a gaming writer for Daily Dot, a native Chicagoan, and a slave to all things Overwatch. He co-founded the college geek culture outlet ByteBSU, then interned at Game Informer, and now writes for a bunch websites his parents have never heard of.