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In times of great turmoil, we look to solitary leaders to forge a path through the fire—leaders like 35-year-old gamer James Rolfe, whose name will echo down through centuries because he took a courageous stand.
What did Rolfe do? Only the unthinkable. He didn’t review the Ghostbusters reboot for geek culture site Cinemassacre.com. Even more incredibly, he was able to explain his decision in just six and a half minutes.
Now, did Rolfe fall into the camp of seemingly anti-feminist Ghostbusters fans incensed that women actors have been allowed a chance to don unflattering jumpsuits and battle fictive paranormal apparitions? Is he attempting to smash the gynocracy? Of course not! He had far more legitimate reasons for not watching the film, including but not limited to:
- The movie’s existence means we now “have to” refer to the original as “the 1984 Ghostbusters.” Because of the movie title police.
- “If you already know you’re going to hate it, why give them your money?” Ah yes, the foundation of all engaged critical thought.
- Harold Ramis is dead.
- “Calling it Ghostbusters without having any connection to the original story or characters… ” Rolfe knows this without seeing the movie. That’s just the kind of sage he is. This film about busting ghosts bears no relationship to the other movies about ghostbusting.
- “…is a shameless attempt to bank on the name.” Right on, brother! You just destroyed Hollywood’s entire franchise formula in one fell swoop! Give James Cameron hell! Down with Back to the Future!
- It’s not a reboot, or a remake, but a “name-make.” Which is bad.
- Han Solo and Chewbacca aren’t in it.
“The original actors are supposedly playing cameo roles, but not as their characters… like, what the fuck?” Truly, acting is a pox on art.
The silver lining, according to Rolfe, is that Harold Ramis “didn’t live to see this shit.” For sure. He would have hated being alive to watch this film with his family and buy them nice things with the money he made off it.
So kudos, Rolfe, for using the proton pack of your steely logic and unwavering bias to blast this movie to smithereens. You’re a knight in gray zip-up sweater armor. You have saved us from the 2016 Ghostbusters.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'