- A lonely grandma sought family to spend Christmas with on Craigslist Saturday 5:45 PM
- Airbnb bans white supremacists tied to Iron March forum Saturday 5:07 PM
- Did a Twitter user really get tricked into naming baby ‘Jack Ingof’? Saturday 4:46 PM
- State of emergency declared in New Orleans following ‘cyberattack’ Saturday 4:12 PM
- Video shows boy getting beat up–mom says it’s because he wore MAGA hat Saturday 3:54 PM
- Billboard changing albums chart to count YouTube streams Saturday 2:43 PM
- TikTok’s 20 most popular songs of 2019 Saturday 2:14 PM
- Greek gods memes are flooding Reddit thanks to TV reboot rumors Saturday 1:47 PM
- Anti-impeachment protesters aimlessly fumble through halls of Congress Saturday 12:54 PM
- Everything we know so far about the Xbox Series X Saturday 12:17 PM
- ASMR YouTuber Life with MaK says she was branded a ‘Nazi’ by online smear campaign Saturday 10:46 AM
- Voters duped by fake ex-Bloomberg intern’s tweet about being fired Saturday 9:47 AM
- HBO’s ‘Watchmen’ and the fantasy of competence Saturday 8:00 AM
- Cómo ver Kamaru Usman vs. Colby Covington en el UFC 245 Saturday 7:00 AM
- ‘Penis fish’ memes erupt after worms wash up on California coast Friday 5:58 PM
Oh, the humanity. Germany has just suffered one of the most delicious industrial spills in the world, and Twitter is eager to give it a try.
Earlier this week in Werl, Germany, a “small technical defect” in Westönnen’s DreiMeister chocolate factory brought a ton of milk chocolate out into the streets, according to The Guardian. The sugary confection soon froze to the road, posing an incredibly dangerous risk to drivers. Around two dozen firefighters were dispatched to take out the sugary mess with shovels, hot water, and torches.
Sadly, initial reports fail to disclose whether responding officers were allowed to eat the chocolate when they were done with all the hard work. Hopefully, news reporters covering the story will be given a complimentary slice.
It didn’t take long for Twitter to fall in love with the mess.
Not the German chocolate 🤦♀️ pic.twitter.com/elOtbMxJI0— Lori-Jo Carroll (@Harmoney12) December 12, 2018
Where's Augustus Gloop when you need him...— Brandi (@brandiwastaken) December 12, 2018
Huge chocolate spill in Germany. German officials currently looking for this man... pic.twitter.com/jqBaRl1ZGI— Rummy (@RumfordJohnny) December 12, 2018
Plenty of Twitter users volunteered to help.
I'll help clean! pic.twitter.com/N0UEPAd3nU— M (@m0rbidmel) December 12, 2018
This is literally how I would have aided the cleaning effort. pic.twitter.com/GI7Ldt8jH5— World's Ugliest Man (@The_Insulin_K) December 12, 2018
I have a team of specialist chocolate cleaners in my house if they need help. We are aged 7, 9, 36 and 42. We work for free.— Aileen Stewart (@aileenst8) December 12, 2018
The puns practically wrote themselves.
Homer Simpson was right!... Germany *is* The Land of Chocolate! Mmmmmm... Chocolate.... pic.twitter.com/YtIDjAEf4x— Davide Bruzzone (@dbruzzone) December 12, 2018
Not to be a buzzkill, but you probably shouldn’t eat that frozen chocolate. It’s been hanging out in the middle of the road, exposed to all sorts of bacteria, and manhandled by a bunch of firefighters. It looks delicious, sure, but it’s the industrial equivalent of eating frozen chocolate off a sidewalk.
That said, if only the rest of the world could be like Germany, the world would be a sweeter place.
USA: Trump threatens with shut down.— Sarah Schygulla (@Sarah_Schygulla) December 12, 2018
UK: Vote of no confidence
France: Protests and looting
Belgium: Government loses majority
...Meanwhile in Germany: CHOCOLATE MADNESS#allgood #undercontrol #brexit #trump #wtf
Ana Valens is a reporter specializing in online queer communities, marginalized identities, and adult content creation. She is Daily Dot's Trans/Sex columnist. Her work has appeared at Vice, Vox, Truthout, Bitch Media, Kill Screen, Rolling Stone, and the Toast. She lives in Brooklyn, New York, and spends her free time developing queer adult games.