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An escaped herd of buffalo just charged into New York traffic
Run free, you magnificent beasts!
From the nation that brought you “llamas running around a southwestern urban environment” comes: “Buffalo running around in upstate New York.”
Seems a dozen or so bison escaped from a farm in Schodack, N.Y., swam across the Hudson river and are now running free in the area. The animals have already broken through police lines twice, showing blatant disrespect for the law. Here is the poorly shot video to prove it:
Look at them go! Look at the newsmen and police follow! But are these bison just running free, or is there something far more sinister afoot? Let’s investigate:
Hmmmm, this is fishy. How do the bison know to stay on the side of the road? My guess: these bison have been studying people for a long time, planning their escape meticulously (by the standards of bison escapes).
Oh god, they live with crazy buffalo murderers. I mean, what the hell is going on in the Mesick house? Of course these bison are on the run! They’re refugees from a serial killer!
Also, we get it George, you love killing bison. That doesn’t mean you have room to mount two on the wall of your split-level. Also, if you’re so good at killing bison, WHY ARE THERE DOZENS OF BISON ROAMING THE ALBANY REGION, GEORGE? RIDDLE ME THAT, DR. BUFFLEKILL!
And, again: Where are they going?
The New York State Thruway that connects Albany to… Buffalo? Oh no, you beautiful idiots! The city of Buffalo isn’t what you bison think it is! Run anywhere else. Literally anywhere else.
That said, guys, if you need a fellow beast to explain to you how to make the most of your stay in eastern New York, here’s Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch on Buffalo’s nightlife:
Update 1:30pm CT, April 24: Welp, things are getting out of hand:
But on the lighter side:
Spike Friedman is a comedian and writer who has contributed to Deadspin, Paste, Mental Floss, Grantland, and others. He performed on the house team for the Upright Citizens Brigade in New York.