Gaston—Beauty and the Beast‘s unidimensional, studly villain with incredible eyebrow game—is a favorite target of Internet parody. I mean, the guy’s just so… vanilla. Plus, he comes with a boastful musical number that provides an ideal format for mockery.
NO ONE'S DROLL LIKE GASTON/ NO ONE'S SWOLE LIKE GASTON/ NO ONE FITS HIS ASSIGNED GENDER ROLE LIKE GASTON
— I yield my time, fuck you (@NatalieZed) January 28, 2016
That’s a particularly witty example, but the general formula is so easy that a Twitterbot could get the hang of it. And, in fact, one very good bot has.
♫ No-one limps like Gaston / Explains pimps like Gaston / No-one's got a cute brute in his glimpse like Gaston ♫ pic.twitter.com/gDatqLRXIQ
— Bot-ston (@Botston) April 17, 2016
“In June 2015 I had the Gaston song from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast stuck in my head for about a week. To exorcise it, I made this bot, which generates random versions of the chorus.”
Bot-ston finds rhymes to fit the schema of the song and just recently gained the ability to sing them (on-key!) in a text-to-speech synth voice.
It will not—absolutely not—help to get the chorus of “Gaston” out of your head. If anything, it will only lodge it there more firmly.
Bot-ston, you are positively primeval.
♫ No-one cleans like Gaston / Attracts teens like Gaston / In a meaning match nobody means like Gaston ♫ pic.twitter.com/ncmlWQack9
— Bot-ston (@Botston) April 15, 2016
♫ No-one backs like Gaston / No-one lacks like Gaston / No-one's eye's as incredibly lax as Gaston ♫
— Bot-ston (@Botston) April 7, 2016
♫ No-one jeers like Gaston / Handles seers like Gaston / In a hearing match nobody hears like Gaston ♫ pic.twitter.com/mgRNd7u8od
— Bot-ston (@Botston) April 16, 2016
♫ No-one jots like Bot-ston / Tweets bon mots like Bot-ston / In a botting match, nobody bots like Bot-ston. ♫