Back in my day, telling jokes about the humorous byproduct of bodily functions was a skill relegated to elementary schoolyard raconteurs. Especially those kids who had an older sibling to pass on these gross-yet-hilarious slices of comedy.
Fast forward to a world built on the art of anything-goes clips on YouTube and the social media switchboard that turns a half-baked poop joke into a viral sensation. We turn our noses up at them; we mock them; we claim to stop watching after a few seconds. In reality, we love them and want more of them. Everyone has that part of the funny bone that responds to the lowest form of bathroom giggles.
To quote Tony Soprano, “What I think is funny is what an 8-year-old boy thinks is funny.”
For the 8-year-old boy in all of us, here’s a curated glossary of some of YouTube’s best laughs in the category of human (and sometimes non-human) waste.
1) April Fools Day cat poop
Batting first, we have a lovely April Fools joke in which a man pulls a good one on his wife by creating some fake cat doody which he manufactured with some chocolate peanut butter and Liquid Ass “fart spray” no doubt purchased from a local party store. Nothing says love like some good cat crap.
2) DIY dog poop
I am a fan of Kipkay’s hacks, bit you have to wonder what possessed him to conjure up a recipe to replicate dog poop using breakfast cereal, chocolate chips, and peanut butter. If Rachael Ray ever hangs up her EVOO, Kipkay has a job waiting.
3) Lego poop
One of my favorites—perhaps because it was done by a 10-year-old kid—is one in which a Lego character has a rather unspeakable reaction to his mom’s meatloaf. I can just hear Will Ferrell begging his mom for more meatloaf in Wedding Crashers.
4) Flaming poop trick
The first cousin of lighting one’s flatulence is a gag back in vogue courtesy of the second season of Orange Is the New Black. It’s a simple trick, in which one puts animal dung in a bag, lights the bag on fire, and places it on the intended recipient’s doorstep. Add a knock on the door, and laughter ensues.
5) Lego poop, take 2
What is it about Lego and poop jokes? They seemingly go together like Bob Saget and the Olsen twins. While not quite a funny as the previous Lego clip, the sheer grossness of this one takes the genre up a notch or two.
6) Russian poop jokes
Texas comedian John Ramsey was told he needed to add some poop jokes to his repertoire, so he attempted to class things up a bit and did a spin on Russian history, crossed with a bathroom classic.
7) Don’t you knock?
Nothing spells fun like opening the bathroom stall door whilst an unsuspecting person is taking care of business. To add to the air of class, this clip includes a waltz as background music.
8) Celebrity poop
While not especially well-produced, this clip makes the list because it mocks Justin Bieber, the icon of all things wrong with overinflated celebrity life. Gives new meaning to the phrase “eat it.”
9) Professional poop humor
Todd Glass, a Comedy Central staple, takes to the stage in Minneapolis with a great standup routine, including some thoughtful (is that possible?) and sheer gross-out poop-related jokes.
10) Out of the mouths of babes
It’s not so much the joke, but the context: When a 4-year-old lets loose with a great poop joke, it’s just plain funny. We really didn’t need the parental interpretation.
To be fair, these are just 10 of our favorites; there are countless other YouTube videos that celebrate the fine art of bodily function humor. It’s not exactly the sort of humor you’re likely to find on a sitcom, but as every 8-year-old boy knows, YouTube is funnier than pretty much anything you’ll find on network TV. At least for now.
Illustration by Jason Reed