The internet’s wheel of fate has turned again and determined that the garbage #content beaming into your eyeballs on Twitter dot com today will be… “bad advice about how to approach women wearing headphones.”
Hoo boy, here we go.
This is the controversial guide circulating right now, originally published in 2013 on pickup website the Modern Man and seemingly ignored altogether. It offers a typical “nice guy” approach to getting a woman’s attention:
Like this is straight-up the instructions you give to a serial killer you're training pic.twitter.com/QoMyqTCbWI— Genevieve Valentine (@GLValentine) August 29, 2016
In case it’s not obvious, the fatal flaw of this advice is twofold: One, it’s oblivious to women’s safety—you may know you don’t mean any harm, but she doesn’t. You’re asking (or, in this case, practically demanding) that she take the risk of interacting with you.
Oh, and two? Headphones are the universal “do not disturb” signal, and you just ignored it.
Don’t take my word for it, though. Women on Twitter have overwhelmingly mocked and rejected the Modern Man’s advice, and many men aren’t crazy about it, either.
Men talk to me when I'm wearing headphones all the time but it only annoys me because I lose my place in the Longform podcast.— Hayley Campbell (@hayleycampbell) August 30, 2016
How to talk to a woman wearing headphones: Be a Kardashev Type II civilisation in HD164595 pic.twitter.com/ud5IcRYssj— Kevin Marks (@kevinmarks) August 30, 2016
How to approach a woman wearing headphones:— James McLeod (@Pepsiman2830) August 30, 2016
1. Keep very still.
2. Her eyesight is based on movement.
3. Clever girl pic.twitter.com/szrDQQgEZE
HOW TO TALK TO A WOMAN WEARING HEADPHONES:— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) August 29, 2016
– punch self in face
– when she removes headphones, apologize for thinking she owes you her time
How To Talk To A Woman Who's Actually A Chicken That's Floating Out to Sea In A Small Bowl pic.twitter.com/Zow6PEGcn6— Ryan Broderick (@broderick) August 30, 2016
And Jezebel even published a spoof article, “How to Talk to a Woman Who is Trying to Take a Dump,” which points up the absurdity of the original, line by line.
But all jokes aside, how DO you approach a woman wearing headphones? Some women offered a very solid alternative to the Modern Man’s instructions:
Well, there you go.
No one’s saying you’re not allowed to start conversations, just that you shouldn’t start conversations with people who are literally covering or plugging their ears because they don’t want to talk.