Baby Ninja Warrior annihilates obstacle course

Can he make it?


Feliks Garcia

Internet Culture

Published Sep 4, 2015   Updated May 28, 2021, 12:54 am CDT

Chip: Welcome back to Baby Ninja Warrior. I’m Chip Bakenschmidt—

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Flip: And I’m Flip McFlurrie. For those of you just tuning in, you’re about to see the top babies compete for the title of Baby Ninja: the biggest, the baddest, the fittest baby in the world.

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C: Here we’ve got new kid on the block, Jesse “The Annihilator” Sipowicz. Now, Jesse’s coming off a recent injury at his nursery school, where he attempted to fly while wearing his signature Superman cape and cowboy boots.

F: He just couldn’t stick that landing, could he, Chip?

C: No he could not, Flip. But the little Annihilator is looking ready for what we’ve got for him today. Look at that red jersey, that black headband. He could go all the way to Vegas.

F: Darn right. And there he goes!

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C: Jesse’s off to an explosive start, hopping from tile to tile. You gotta be quick and nimble on those tiles, Flip, or you fall straight into the hot lava.

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F: Hey-o! You do not want that. Annihilator is sprinting to the next obstacle—he really looks like he wants Vegas, and with hustle like that he may get it! And he steps right over the stick and runs onto the balance beam.

C: You know kids at this age don’t quite have their full equilibrium, so it’ll be interesting to see how Jesse handles this course. Even some of the best Baby Ninja Warriors have fallen into the lava on this obstacle.

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F: Not Jesse. He’s taking his time, inching across—whoops! He nearly fell in but he regains his balance and makes it across the  beam. Real pro move. Sometimes it’s that hustle that gets contenders in trouble. It looks like he learned a thing or two from his Superman accident in the spring.

C: That. He. Did. Flip, I hope didn’t speak too soon—but no other Baby Ninja contestant has made it past the Impassable Peg.

F: Jesse just ran around the peg! Brilliant. You know, a lesser baby would have run straight into it and tripped… Jesse makes it between the two saw horses like it’s nothing.

C: Well, you know, Flip, Jesse crafted and exact replica of that event out of couch cushions and pillows while training for the course. And. It. Showed.

F: Jesse’s still gotta get through one more toughie if he wants to move on to Vegas.

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C: Will he know how to navigate his way through the Quicksand Pit?

F: He’s looking real strong. The way he handles this one is what will set him apart from the other babies in this game.

C: This is the moment he’s been training for, the glory of the last obstacle. He’s come this far, I don’t think he’s going to mess it up.

F: No he won’t, Chip. Smart move, stopping the way he did. No reason to rush now, Jesse’s going to finish this course in record—whoop—He almost knocked the obstacle with his back, but he recovered.

C: He made it! Now Jesse “The Annihilator” Sipowicz is going to Vegas!

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F: Jesse annihilated  that course in record time! What a run!

Photo via Thomas Kohler/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: Sep 4, 2015, 6:14 pm CDT