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Even the world’s worst online dating profile won’t stop guys from hitting on you
She’s a gold digger and commits random acts of violence. But guys still want to date her.
If you are a lady on OKCupid, and your level of attractiveness exceeds that of a mythical sea creature, you most likely get harassed by dudes on the reg. Even if a woman comes off as completely repugnant—like, if she self-identifies as a Nazi or writes “eyeball eczema” under “first things people notice about me”— it’s dollars to donuts that she’ll get at least fifty a/s/l requests as soon as her profile goes live.
To test the theory that male OKCupid users will solicit anyone with two X chromosomes and the ability to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide, Cracked writer Alli Reed set up a fake OKCupid profile for aaroncarterfan, a woman she thought was “so awful, so toxic, so irredeemably unlikable” that not even the most desperate OKCupid user would ever want to contact her.
As it turns out, she was wrong.
In creating the 25 year-old, Los Angeles-based aaroncarterfan, Reed imbued her with the worst human traits possible. She was a “mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant” gold digger. She was also made a huge Aaron Carter fan, which is basically the sexual attractiveness equivalent to being a neo-Nazi with eyeball eczema.
Using a photo of her friend Rae, a model, as her default, Reed created a narrative for aaroncarterfan that is as reflective of the darkest annals of the human psyche as a character in a Dostoyevsky novel:
Image via Cracked
With her penchant for harassing homeless people and announcing fake pregnancies, aaroncarterfan was so abhorrent that Reed assumed “not even the kinds of dudes who comment on YouPorn videos” would contact her. Yet the Raskolnikov of online dating received 150 messages in 24 hours, most of which were along the lines of the following:
Image via Cracked
Even when threatened with physical violence, aaroncarterfan’s suitors were undeterred:
Image via Cracked
While it’s possible that some of the messages were from irony-savvy OKCupid users who were trying to beat aaroncarterfan at her own game, most of the 500 inquiries Reed received were in earnest (or as she puts it, they were from men who had “slapped their semi-erect penis on the keyboard a few times and pressed send”).
So what did Reed glean from her experiment in online dating awfulness? Mostly what you’d expect: that men have been conditioned to judge a woman solely on her physical appearance, to the point where they are willing to ignore pretty much any red flag (such as a predilection for amateur dentistry) if the possibility of having sex with her is on the table.
To the men who fell prey to aaroncarterfan’s charms (or lack thereof), Reed has a message for you: “You’re better than that…. You don’t want someone who will pull out your teeth and then sue you for child support; you deserve someone who will make you want to be better than you are, and will want to be better because of you.”
Also: “STOP FUCKING MESSAGING AARONCARTERFAN, YOU ASSHOLES.”
H/T Cracked | Image via Mosaic Maniac/Flickr
EJ Dickson is a writer and editor who primarily covers sex, dating, and relationships, with a special focus on the intersection of intimacy and technology. She served as the Daily Dot’s IRL editor from January 2014 to July 2015. Her work has since appeared in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Mic, Bustle, Romper, and Men’s Health.