Stories behind 30 stock photos of unhappy couples

Slacktory's Nick Douglas captions some of the funniest stock art on the Web. 

Internet Culture

Published Mar 21, 2013   Updated Jun 1, 2021, 9:03 pm CDT

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Unhappy couple in bed 38

“How did she see my tattoo? I covered it with two tank tops!”

Unhappy couple in bed 48

“Sara, give up this charade, admit I look like David Bowie, and all will be well again. You could be a hero, just for one day.”

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The first night it was actually pretty cool, but now the novelty’s worn off. How did he learn to snore in dubstep?

Unhappy couple in bed 53

Duckface girl thought she’d finally found a compatible partner. But maybe he was… too compatible?

Unhappy couple in bed 52

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“Every part of your genetically inferior body that touches my goddess-shell is like a thousand needles of pain.”

Unhappy couple in bed 51

What you don’t see is he’s poking her ass with his finger and pretending it’s his dick.

Unhappy couple in bed 50

“Mom and I can’t look each other in the eyes, but I’m gonna get major karma on /r/IAmA.”

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Unhappy couple in bed 49

Turns out he’s a Christian. She can stay over, but only at the foot of the bed. The bed’s pure white to motivate him to keep it unstained.

Unhappy couple in bed 47

They’re not fighting, they’re just having a fart war.

Unhappy couple in bed 46

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“Well what pattern wouldn’t make my legs look fat, Kenneth?”

Unhappy couple in bed 45

Months of couples counseling revealed that their sex life was perfectly fine when she took off her slippers.

Unhappy couple in bed 44

Just off-screen are each of their spouses.

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Unhappy couple in bed 43

“Now you understand why I’m so skittish about anal.”

Unhappy couple in bed 42

“Aw, we sneezed at the same time! Hand me your phone, I’m Vining this. Get a sneeze ready.”

Unhappy couple in bed 41

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This is definitely a pose normal people make ever.

Unhappy couple in bed 40

“It’s not you I’m mad at. It’s that some conservative blog is probably going to unsubtly use this photo in a story about the Obamas and it’ll be the only thing anyone tweets about for a week.”

Unhappy couple in bed 39

They both submitted this as their senior pic.

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Unhappy couple in bed 37

“Honey, come to bed, this is not how you write a novel. Oh my god, okay, I’ll teach you tomorrow how to write a novel, Ray. Ray, whatever your personal opinion, Stephanie Meyer probably worked really hard.”

Unhappy couple in bed 36

They said you could watch “Adventure Time” with them in bed, not have adventure time. Jesus, man, it’s a kids’ show.

Unhappy couple in bed 35

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“I want him to undo this ribbon, but he just wants to teach me Beyblades.”

Unhappy couple in bed 34

“Yeah, he’s making this toddler-face at me. Well I’m sorry but you’re not 911 you’re 311 so you don’t have more important calls to take.”

Sad looking couple sits on bed

She wears lipstick for their fights now. She knows it makes him think he must be wrong.

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Couple in bed

“It’s pronounced ‘doobluh-entendre’ and tomorrow we’ll ask everyone and you will be so embarrassed.”

Unhappy couple in bed 31

“Listen, do I have to smack you? Because I really don’t want to, it makes me uncomfortable. How about if I just bring my hand real close is that… does that get you hot? Honey are you role-playing being frustrated or is this actually you?”

Unhappy couple in bed 30

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“The Starbucks macchiato is not a real macchiato.”

Unhappy couple in bed 29

“Golly gee, how did I get myself into this mess?” asked Spunky Serena, childhood TV star. “I’m already a month late on rent, and the john stiffed me! But if I get a ‘pimp’ he’ll just skim off a ridiculous percentage…”

Unhappy couple in bed 28

“He’s seriously never heard of Google Finance. How the fuck is he making this much in capital gains?”

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Unhappy couple in bed 27

She can’t force him to not wear his work shirt to bed. But she’s pretty sure he hasn’t taken it off in three days, and she’s gonna give up a lot sooner than he will.

Unhappy couple in bed 25

“Lifestreaming? What the hell kind of a career is lifestreaming?”

Young couple having argument in bed.

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“Oh my god, I fucked Downs Syndrome Tom Cruise.”

By Nick Douglas

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*First Published: Mar 21, 2013, 8:00 am CDT